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Question
Posted by: Parabola | 2005/11/30

Dreams never ending

I went to a private boarding school in Natal. I definately did not fit in to the whole rugby player jock thing that was considered the ultimate in success at that school.

Instead I excelled in drama, music and English – three skills that have made me very successful now, but which gained me little to no respect or recognition at school, and instead got me labeled as being gay, unpopular and wierd.

(It sometimes makes me laugh how those same idiots who used to torment me at school in this way, now work for me).

Anyway, I have been struggling with a recurring dream, where I return to school in matric, but as if I have finished school and am going back to it at my current age.

So I arrive in my hostile, much older than all the boys, go into the head boys room and remove his stuff from his room, and put my stuff in.

I then lie on the bed, and usually some sort of school gathering occurs with a mixture of boys from my year, boys I have never seen and boys that I remember being years below me.

I have a constant feeling of trying to be a good prefect, and trying to be liked by the entire school.

So obviously I have some issues about my time at school – some hidden insecurities about my role at the place, and how I was treated, and how I longed to be what the school expected me to be.

But though I can acknowledge why I am having these dreams, they are still happening.

Please Doc, I need this to stop. School was a trying and painful time for me, a time that I would rather forget, and I don’t want the memories cropping up all the time.

What can I do to get over these insecurities, accept what happened and that it cannot be undone, and live happily ever after?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like some counselling would be in order, to unravel the long-standing isues arising from the lousy school-days ( I know what that's like !) having not long back been to a major Reunion, I must agree with Frusty --- the Big Guys of those days has mostly failed pathetically in life, the bullies most of all --- and several came to speak to me, with tears in their eyes ( OK, after a couple of drinks !) to apologise for how they had scorned all the intellectual leadership of the school in their days there.
I can't offer an interpretation of Buzz's dream, but it's enough to make me regret I didn't spend more time on the rugby fields ! Dorks of the world, Unite !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Stinkfist | 2005/11/30

Davids point is missing the whole object here...excuse the pun!

Reply to Stinkfist
Posted by: david | 2005/11/30

Parabola....

did you have any same-sex experiences at the boarding school?.....

I had , and boy was it fun...except once......

Reply to david
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/11/30

Spot on, Buzz. Had the same thing. Because I used my brains, I was considered dorky. Hahaha, when the reunion came around! Some of the people had changed so much that I didn't even recognise them!

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/30

Frusty, I so agree with you. In highschool, I was very quiet and kept a low profile. I suppose I was considered a dork by the popular group. Earlier this year, we had our 20-year matric reunion. I actually felt like a kid in comparison to most of them, the way they let themselves go, some of them looked old enough to be my parent. I suppose being popular is very important in highschool, but in the real world, that brings you nowhere.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/11/30

Parabola, I was telling my daughter about this recurrent dream I've had for years, and I also wonder why. I see myself at primary school (where I was very happy) from the back, naked, running on the rugby field towards the goalposts. And then I wake up quite upset. I'd love to see CS's response.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Stinkfist | 2005/11/30

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I've done the the math enough to know the dangers of a second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication...

Reply to Stinkfist
Posted by: Parabola | 2005/11/30

Thanks Stinkfist. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

... If there were no rewards to reap,
no loving embrace to see me through this tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.

Reply to Parabola
Posted by: Stinkfist | 2005/11/30

Yeah, go to the reunion and show those bastards that u made it. I was in the same situasion at school. Being good at languages, being really quiet and into metal music got the attention of alot of farts and bullies. The wheel never stops turning, Parabola. Those teachers pets are usually nowhere in life now...

Without the skin here,
beneath the storm,
under these tears now,
the walls came down.
As the snake is drowned
and as I look in his eyes,
my fear begins to fade
recalling all of the times.
I could have cried then.
I should have cried then....

Reply to Stinkfist
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/11/30

Yeah! Is there one coming up soon? I really suggest you go. It will solve your problem, I am sure about it.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Parabola | 2005/11/30

Driving over 1000km's to go back to that place is one of the last things i would ever want to do - although perhaps throwing yourself in the deep end is one way to teach yourself to swim...

Reply to Parabola
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/11/30

Parabola, have you not had a school reunion yet? I found that that helped me. Most of the people that were "popular" had achieved virtually nothing in their lives which made me feel much better about myself and where I was in my life.

Reply to Frusty

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