Posted by: lady nina | 2009/07/10


hi doc

hope you are well , as i' ve told you before i' m busy with this weightloss program and this are going well

for 5 years i really did some work on myself - i read alot of those self help books don' t like - but alot of them had some really true things to say. one of the things i really tried t understand was the fact that i was fat and quite comfatable with it , it made sense that the fat was my way of protecting myself and ithe root was a childhood period were i was in a unsafe enviromment and felt very insecure and fearfull , there was sexual abuse and as a result i was send to boarding school - all my life when i was stressed or emotionally unwell - i would have nightmare about highschool.

now i know that the fat and insecurity is all linked in my case
i' ve lost 14 kg and have alot to still go - however i get vivid nightmares and more than often there is more than one a night and i can remember them quite clearly iwhen i wake up ( unlike in the passed)

now i'  realize that losing the weight is " scary'  for me and i feel " insecure"  since i' m shedding my " protection"  is the nightmares a result of this ?

how do i deal with it? i keep on telling myself i' m no long the teenage who is helpless and scared and that i' m ok now - ( i talk to myself quite bit lately)

could the nightmares get worse as i lose the weight ?
i really want to overcome this !!

interesting i found out resently that all 3 of my family memebers who is fat was sexually abused as kids - not that i' m implying all fat people was abused but it' s do close to home to ignore

have a great weekend cs


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Our expert says:
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Hello ln ! Lovely to hear from you again, and to ehar your weight-loss program is going well. I may need to ask for some tips, soon !
I don't dislike self-help books at all --- some o them are excellent. These are generally written by recognizable experts with genuine knowledge. Some are empty gimmicks. Some of what even these say may be true --- but so are the slogans in greetings cards --- truth alone doesn't make them useful.
As I often say abou dreams, especially bad dreams, we tend to dream more than we realize, and to remember only those that wake us up, or which occur just before we wake up anyway. And without dreams having special, arcane meanings, where they have real meanings, these are usually pretty obvious --- as when you, under stress, dream of unhappy times in the past. In the days when I did a lot of medico-legal work, I'd dream of being cross-examined !
In the sitation you describe, it's important to face the fact that while you both feel the need for protection and deserve protection --- being fat doesn't really protect against much, unless you literally bounce when you fall over. So you need to find, as CBT would seek, better ways of being genuinely secure, discarding the technique of maintaining fat, because it does not provide genuine security, merely simulates it.
And there's some evidence that one can influence the conent of dreams, so if and when such nightmares recur, grumpily tell yourself "Nonsense ! Fat isn't security ! Slim will be much more secure " and go back to sleep. Self talk of this sort is healthy and useful ( so long as you actually hear what you ae saying ! )
I don' see why the nightmares need to get any more severe. They have already placed that issue on the agenda, and thus are not really needed any more. Interesting about the trio in your family. I suspect more broadly that unhappy kids, whatever the reason for being unhappy, quite often turn to comfort food. I am surely fat, but was not abused.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lady nina | 2009/07/11

thx cs - it makes much sense take care

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