Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/16

Dony understand

I dont know if you are the right person to bore this with but here goes:
I (26) met a guy last year (32), he d just got divorced and we got chatting. Then didn t see him for a while and bumped into him again in the new year. I had by then dyed my hair- lost weight and changed a bit. He said he wanted to get together so we got hold of eachother on the dreaded Facebook. Went to his house for some wine and a chilled evening. Nothing happened between us. He has since (for over a month now)been smsing and phoning almost daily but whenever l sms him he ignores my messages or sends a brief reply. Then out of the blue he will call. So l saw him again the other day, still nothing happened but he makes flirty comments and suggestive remarks but never makes a ' move" ?? What is going on- is he seeing someone else, has he got commitment issues (because of his first marriage), should l confront him and ask what the hell is going on?? I am so confused, l find this whole " keeping you guessing"  thing ridiculous. Could you tell me possible reasons he is behaving this way or is it me. I am pretty shy about this and my friends say that he is wasting my time but part of me is intrigued by it! help! Thanks.

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Our expert says:
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I NEVER know if I'm the right person ! However, let's see if I can help in any way.
Generally, it's wise to be cautious about relationships with anyone on the rebound --- soon after a divorce or messy break-up, beause they are more vulnerable than usual, and may plunge in without enough caution and thought, while still being very wrapped up in dealing with their own emotional turmoil.
From your decription of what's been happening between you, he seems to be blowing hot and cold, and unsure of what he wants. He may well have commitment issues, maybe he's ambivalent about getting in too deep too soon in any new relationship, there could be other reasons. Maybe it's a tactic ( and it's working, in so far as you are intrigued by it )
For Pete's sake forget the current fashion for "confronting" people --- confrontations are very rarely useful. What's wrong with simply sitting down quietly with the guy, and explaining calmly as you just have in this message, what you are finding puzzling, and asking for his thoughts on the situation ?

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