Posted by: Me | 2008/06/11

DOnt want to be married anymore

Im miserably unhappy in my marriage, Ive posted on this forum before, asking for advice on how to resolve a few issues, nothing has worked, and Im tired and scared. Scared that one day Im going to wake up and I'll be 50, and I would have wasted my whole life in an unhappy marriage. I want to stay because I have some hope left that it mightget better butI know in the back of my mind Im just delaying the inevitable, we willl get divorced, but it will be at a time when it will be hard for me to rebuild my life, thats why I feel I should get outnow, while Im stillrelatively young so I can rebuild my life for myself and our 17month old son. My husband refuses to go for counseling, he has told me he wants a divorce and that we should do it while our son is still young, whether he said it to hurt me or shock me, I cant get it outof my head, and my trust in our marriage is broken. Im so depressed, I dont know which way to turn. Every one I have confided in about this tells me I shouldnt leave, because I wanted to consider a trial seperation. But they say it might make matters worse. All I know is that my gut is telling me I need to get out now.
What do I do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Counselling can do so much good, but only if both partners willingly an dsincerely participate. It sounds as though, for whatever reason, your husband just couldn't be bothered in trying to fix anything. I assume that when the car developes any sort of problem, perhaps the windscreen wipers don't work too well, he just abandons the car at the side of the road and gets a new one ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: T | 2008/06/11

my husb wanted to get div about 4yrs ago and moves out for a sumtotal of 1week. he came back, things didnt improve, i fought damn hard for our relationship. i even went so far as to go for councelling by myself, as the problem (according to him) lay with me. i eventually div him last year, he moved back in jan. for the past 2 months ive been pulling my hair out. nothing much has changed, im not happy. he blackmails me emotionally now...u cant do this to the kids :( so now im stuck betwwen a rrock and a hard place. if he has asked for a div, the chances are that he meant it

Reply to T
Posted by: zaza | 2008/06/11

i also feel that way as ive been through asticky situation problem now is that i dont feel any love for my husband anymore,icant even try no matter how hard i just feel numbness when i think about hi.i used to pray that i get him out of my heart as he was cheating and beating and lying.he did it i also feel like divorce im just csared im goin to hurt my mother in law cos she says im her daughter and im the one who is gonna be her daughter in law forever but im also the one who is burning in the kitchen

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Posted by: ANON | 2008/06/11

just get out now why are u prolonging it it wont make it any easier just do it if not for yourself then ur son u cant make him grow up in a loveless marriage ,your husband will end up killing u cos u dnt want to let go just divorce

Reply to ANON
Posted by: Me | 2008/06/11

You hit the nail on te head cybershrink, thats exactly how he deals with problems. And Im just tired of trying to convince him that you dont throw the baby out with the bathwater

Reply to Me
Posted by: Tans | 2008/06/11

I felt the same as you. I got divorced, and my life changed for the better. My daughter was also very young, and we both coped. As long as you dont turn her against her father, all will be okay.
Goodluck to you.

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