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Question
Posted by: Flower | 2008/05/27

Dont Understand

Is it possible to develop feelings or fall in love with a person while being romantically in love or in lust with another person?

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Our users say:
Posted by: visitor | 2008/05/27

adultery is something i would never forgive to be honest. Perhaps in your situation it is a bit different though because you werent married yet. In his defence he did stop as soon as you got married. some guys think until the ring is on the finger they are single in every sense of the word
if you can work through this then i think you should try.

Reply to visitor
Posted by: Flower | 2008/05/27

Thank You - Its so hard and hurtful. I started therapy for myself and then we will be moving on to marriage counselling. I advised to first sought myself out because I am having a hard time with everything. It is the third therapist I am seeing, But she is great and helping me a great deal.

I have been married now for almost 2 years, I only recently found out that the relationship continued up until our engagement which was a month before we got married. He told me he had a relationship with her, but did not tell me when it happend, I was hurt by this, but thought he knew her before he met me, so I cannot blame him for anything he done before he met me. He said he broke it off because He had met me.
What makes it more painful is that it is someone he knows and she is a married woman. How could he have done this? I dont understand, I feel so betrayed, I trusted him with my whole heart

Reply to Flower
Posted by: Maria | 2008/05/27

Oh Flower, what a hurtful thing to find out. It does seem to be easier for men in general to have sex without feelings than it is for women. But I would also be very upset if I was in your position. How long have you been married? Have you considered counselling to help you get past this?

Hugs

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Flower | 2008/05/27

Maria, I am just confused becuase I found that my husband has cheated on me with only one person up until he proposed marriage to me. He says that he knew her before he knew me. But I also found out that the relationship between the two of them only started when we started dating each other and continued up until he decided to get married to me. He tell me now that it was only lust. But I do not understand - I am having such a hard time dealing with this. He acts like the perfect husband now, he cleans cooks, spoils me. But i Cannot forget the betrayal. I loved him and still love him very much, and I cannot imagine myself being intimate with someone else.

Reply to Flower
Posted by: Maria | 2008/05/27

In the Bible a wise man is quoted as saying that he doesn't understand how the love between a man and a woman works. I don't think we've progressed much in the meantime in terms of understanding. It is difficult to impossible to answer your question. You have to distinguish between being in love (or in lust), and having deep love for someone. I don't believe you can truly love someone without knowing them well, as loving implies also knowing about the faults and negative aspects the person has. Being in love though is a very physical thing and can happen very quickly.

Perhaps you should tell us why you are wondering about this?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/27

yes, it is possible. evaluate your reasons before you make any mistakes by acting on it. rather know what you really want and choose one, and work on strengthening that relationship.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Flower | 2008/05/27

Maria, Is is possible to even having strong feeling such as love for two people at the same time?

Reply to Flower
Posted by: Maria | 2008/05/27

I don't think all human beings are by nature monogamous. We choose to be in one relationship at a time because of our own moral values or because those are the norms society expects. So it is quite possible to have feelings for two people simultaneously, but it is not necessary to act on those feelings.

Reply to Maria

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