Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/10/15

dont know what to do anymore......

Morning CS and Forumites.....

Every morning Nê  refuses to get up, dress, brush, eat. From waking her she will kick at me and slap at me and verbally abuse me and shout that the whole house awakens. I then patiently ignore her and shove her meds down her throat, dress her through the fighting and screaming, brush her teeth holding her head in a grip, brush her hair while she slaps at me sitting behind her. I have punished her, I have talked to her, I have smacked her, I have played with her. I have rewarded her and made a scene on the times she say' s YES or is good.

It' s the same at night to get her to bath etc....I just don' t know what to do anymore. I even wake her with tea making her sit up and taking it to drink so she will have to wake up - usually there is more tea on the bed or carpet than in her mouth.

Adult CP said i should wake her earlier as cp' s need more time to do things. So I did this as well it lasted 2 mornings only.....last night i just gave up when I collected her from the cresche and the lady told me she threw (sp?) her food on the floor and has refused to eat it.

Im trying my best to raise her to the best of my ability and for her to have manners and to be a " good"  child.

Maybe im just a lousy mother.

This has been going on for years and years some times worse some times better - im just so gatvol!

Have you ever read about the Village Idiot ? In the olden days kids like Nê  were chased out the Village and they would live in the woods, filthy and dirty and and and some days im so tired of fighting her that I want to say ok just leave it and don' t go to school stay with the domestic and look like you want to!

I also sent her to school with a letter today....dressed in yesterday afternoon' s clothes, uncombed, unwashed, dirty. Her school clothes, lunch and swimming clothes are in her bag. Maybe if her friends and teachers tease her or talk to her it will have an effect? Yes I do feel bad don' t you worry I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can only hope that the support group I found and that im going to Saturday will have some form of advice....Everyone always says im doing such a wonderful job and God will reward me one day for all i' ve done....IT DOESNT HELP ME " NOW" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want her to look pretty and clean and nice and and but sometimes when she kickes me or slaps at me I want to throttle her...

What I did is probably wrong and will make me feel bad for a long, long time - nevermind what the school will sure they will call me today.....

Love Mom

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

We know you're not a lousy mother. All kids can be oppositional at times, and in Ne's case, it's an easy routwe for her to take ( however difficult it is for you !) and being "good" in the way you expect is harder for her. As you know, aspects of daily life that are easy for the rest of us, are more complex and difficult for her.
You've been in this sort of downhearted state before, and have also had highs when she has done better than expected, and you have felt proud and happy. That's how it goes. Its good that the support group meeting is turning up at about the right time.
Having been in a similar situation myself, I know how unsatisfying the empty praise from others feels, and how, however gladly you do what is neded, there are times when you reach the end of your tether. But believe me, if and when one is no longer so deeply needed, it feels even worse.
Maybe its wise to discuss these issues with the school, so you and they can have a more co-ordinated approach in situations like this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: smile | 2008/10/16

I really dont know how to advice you,but I deeply feel for you,I strongly believe you are a great mom dont give up on her keep on trying.
May God give you the strenght to get through this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to smile
Posted by: Adult CP | 2008/10/15

Hi there,

Please please don' t put yourself down. This is really not your fault, you are doing your very best for Ne. I am not sure what has caused her to have such a bad temper. Is she still on the meds that she was put on some time ago? Perhaps the dosage needs to be changed. Or she might not be feeling well but does not know to say what is troubling her. Are you going to the meeting on Saturday, if so speak to other parents to find out if other cp children have these tempers. Has she been like this for a long time or since you moved back with the family?

Just remember that you are not to blame for her actions and perhaps due to her brain damage, she cannot help acting the way she is either. I am sure that she is not just being " naughty" .

Take care.

Reply to Adult CP
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/10/15

Thank you very much for this!

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Me | 2008/10/15

Sorry for the long read.. I just thought this was pretty special. Like you :-)

Invisible Mother......

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I' m on the phone and ask me a question.

Inside I' m thinking, ' Can' t you see I' m on the phone?' 


No one can see if I' m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I' m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this?Can you open this?

Some days I' m not a pair of hands  I' m not even a human being. I' m a clock to ask, ' What time is it?' I' m a satellite guide to answer, ' What number is the Disney Channel?'  I' m a car to order, ' Right around 5:30 , please.' 

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had
disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She' s going  she' s going  she is gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England ..Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ' I brought you this.' 

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn' t exactly sure why she' d given it to me until I read her inscription:

' To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.' 

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names...
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ' Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof?No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, ' Because God sees.' 

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.

It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ' I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.No act of kindness
you' ve done, no sequin you' ve sewn on, no cupcake you' ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can' t see right
now what it will become.' 

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction... But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness.It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don' t want my son to tell the friend he' s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ' My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes
homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.'  That would mean I' d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ' you' re gonna love it there.' 

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we' re doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible

Hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does.
We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.

Reply to Me
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/10/15

Dankie Nic

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Nic | 2008/10/15

Ag CP mom, you are too hard on yourself, I wish I could help you, but I can tell you of all the posts that I' ve read, you are a good mom, and all mothers somedays feel exactly like you do. (Your difficulties are just a lot harder to cope with). Im sure cybershrink will give great advice. Good luck - and God bless

Reply to Nic

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