Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/15

Dont know what to do???

Hi guys,

I dont know what to do. I am so worried, and feel so helpless.

My sister contacted me this morning to let me know that my Dad has a growth in his throat. His been to the doctor, and they said they have to remove it to check for cancer. Now he is refusing to have it removed. His Father (My grand dad) died from throat cancer too. My dad is 60 Years old, and extremely stubborn. My mom has pleaded with him to go under but he wont listen.

Do we just hope for the best or is there another way? Honestly, i dont want this to end in heart ache and tears when it could be easily avoided for now.



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Our expert says:
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Dear Paris, sorry to hear about this alarming news.
It sounds like, especially because his father died of throat cancer, your dad is now feeling too scared to deal with it, even if there could be a chance of him saving his life by appropriate surgery. Even if he eventually decided not to accept surgery, at least he should cooperate fully in the consultation and the removal of this growth. It might turn out not to be cancer at all, or it could be one of the pre-cancerous growths, safe if removed now, but which could develop io a more dangerous growth if left alone. There's not much one can do other than talk with him, and make sure that he understands that he could be fine, and could be throwing away the chance of recovery, through refusing this advice at this stage. Maybe you can persuade him to at least see the doctor again for a fuller explanation of the situation, what surgery is ( and isn't ) planned, the risks, benefits, etc.
As kernel suggests, speak to his doctor and get advice from him and the Cancer Association about the particular type of growth he has, and leave leaflets and info around for him to be able to read, privately, on his own.
And cool down a bit, as Shaun suggests. Sometimes with a very stubborn person, the more everyone pushes him in one direction, the more he will resist and push in the other. Sometimes, one can be more subtle, and give him something to resist and push against which would, rather, lead him in the desirable direction.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hi Paris,

This doesn't sound good indeed. I can understand your concerns at the moment.
Would it not be a little better if you calmed down a bit though? Sometimes when people see the "panic" in us it kinda makes them hesitate on doing what should be done.
Otherwise I agree with the guys above.
Also, if you guys, as a family unit kinda "gang-up" on him, maybe he wouldn't have any choice but to follow the doc's recommendation. If it is approached the right way, he may see that he would have to do whatever he can so that you guys know he wants to still be around.
Mind you, be careful you don't be too hard on him as he seems to be a head-strong person.

Hang in there Paris, coz it seems like your strength is gonna be called for here.


Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/15

Find out exactly what his condition is and get some literature or articles about it. Leave it somewhere where he would find it or give it to him to him to read so that at least he knows what his prognosis is. Leave it to him to decide what to do about it if nothing else helps.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/15

Thanks Liza,

If you knew my dad you would know why i feel like i do. His as stubborn as a mule. He never asks for help if he needs it. He thinks he can deal with any thing and every thing on his own. His a very bitter person, who had quite a harsh upbringing (ive heard) never attended any counceling, never will attend any sort of therapy. So there's no ways that i will even suggest it because i know he will shoot down the mere idea.

Urgh!!! this is why i am feeling so damn helpless.


Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Liza | 2004/11/15

Try and find out why he doesn't want it removed. If he can raise issues, there are ways in which those issues can be addressed which will leave him without a reason not to go. Only then should the pleading and coaxing start. Perhaps talking to a counsellor would help - if your dad is present. In this way the whole issue can be resolved in a objective and non-emotional manner.

Good luck!

Reply to Liza

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