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Question
Posted by: Candy | 2004/10/28

dont know what to do

My fiance just told me that he cheated on me and he has a 13 months old baby with the women,they did a pertinity test last week and the baby is his,Im so hurt I dont know what to do.If I ask him why he did it in the first place he claims it was just greedy and sellfish and that it had nothing to do with us,and when I asked him about condoms he claims he did.
I dont understand how can he have done this if he is happy with me and wants us to get married,and we also have a daughter who turned one this month.
We have been together for the past six years and I have never come across such a dilema,I just dont know how to handle this,though I know that I love him a lot.
Part of me wants to forgive him,but I dont know how,I dont want him to get off easilly I want him to feel the pain that I am feeling,but the more I stay angry at him the more I am getting depressed.

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Our expert says:
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Candy it will obvously be up to you, but I wouldn't trust him again, and would break off the engagement immediately --- what he did, deliberately, was dishonest and cruel to you and to this other woman. You now know him to be deceptive, cruel, and selfish. Who wants to marry a man like that ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: lulu | 2004/10/28

I'm not sure I agree with you, TW... He's showing remorse? Took him all of 22 months to show that remorse! She was pregnant before Candy was pregnant! He should have not made someone else pregnant too and carry on living this double life for two years.

Candy, you deserve more. Take your baby and get out of his life. Or better yet, take his stuff and put it on the front sidewalk and tell HIM to get the hell out of your life.

Being engaged is a promise of a life of love, fidelity and total honesty. Looks like he's only got the "love" bit going for him at the moment, eh? More like in "Love thy neighbour, but don't get caught..."

He's a snake and deserves none of your love or your tears.

Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: TW | 2004/10/28

Shame you must be feeling quite frustrated at the mo...
As said above dont make any rushed decicions yet you need time out to think where your future is heading.

He too needs to do some thinking, the fact that he told you means he is showing some remorse. THe fact you too have a child together make this a little more tricky as if there wasnt a child I would have definatlye suggested that you end it as its not a way to start a marriage.

There is no rush for the two of you to get married now you first need to make sure whats what at this stage. If you really love him and know he loves you too then go find a chirstain counsilor to work through your feelings and to both decide where your futures are heading.

Be strong over this tough time...

Reply to TW
Posted by: me | 2004/10/28

Hi Candy. I feel so sorry for you. I have also been through betrayal and it is the worst feeling on this earth. I also keep on thinking why he did it, but at the end of the day, you either have to forgive (not forget) or move on for yourself and your daughter's sake. Dont make any drastic decisions at the moment, give yourself some time to heal and think logically about the situation. Distance yourself from him as being with him will make you angry and if you are anything like me, you will say things you regret. Good luck, I am thinking of you...

Reply to me
Posted by: Sue Anne | 2004/10/28


I wouldnt forgive my man for doing this. I dont see why woman always have to forgive for men making mistakes. No its not 'ag shame he's a man' so forgive him. Stuff it.! Break up with him because now you will always think when hes out somewhere that he is cheating again. Also now you going to have to deal with this other woman and his kid? He will probably financially have to support her too. No way. I say leave. You will only end up being depressed and unhappy. If you take him back, he's going to think that you will forgive him for everything. Dont for one second think that he only did this once! Get rid on him!

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