Posted by: lost | 2009/03/03

dont know if I can carry on

I am feeling so low, I dont know who to talk to about it, I feel that my friends and family think I moan about my problems all the time and I am sure they are tired of hearing about the latest drama in my life.
I am a single mother,and have a toddler. He hasnt slept well for the last 3 weeks or so, waking 6 times a night. I am constantly exhausted. I work full time and things at work are stressful these days too, I am not very happy at work due to several issues. I am struggling financially and have been looking for another job, went for several interviews for a perfect position but came second and didnt get it. I was very disappointed but trying to keep positive. I also have been told I have to move out of my flat as it is being sold. I am very worried about this and have to move in with my parents until I can find an affordable enough place.
I am so depressed, I cried for over an hour this morning before coming to work. I am exhausted &  dont have energy for anything, to play with my son, or make a proper supper for us, (its been toast sausage and yoghurt for the last few days for his supper). I am stretched to the max and I have a short temper with my son, which I feel so bad about. I am not keeping up with housework and things which need to be done at home. Some nights when I am woken up for the 6th time, I feel like lashing out at my son, which scares me.
I just feel so lost and hopeless and I wish I could just stay in bed all day with no worries, no responsibilities and just hide away from the world until things are better. I feel I cant carry on with this life anymore. I have had such a difficult time for the past year with leaving my childs alcoholic father, moving out, experienced several break-ins, struggling to afford the basic bread &  milk every month.
I know its due to outside influences which are happening at the moment, but I feel so alone, and that nobody understands the true extent of how hard a time I am having dealing with everything. At the same time I dont want to tell anyone because they think I am just weak and a failure for not handling all these things. I try over and over to be positive and pick myself up and try again but then something comes to knock me even further down.
I went to my GP last year, broke down in tears, hoping he could give me something, and was told to ' pull myself together' .

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad today. Being any sort of mother is more tiring than anyone else can realize ; and more so as a single mom, when there is usually less support or someone handy to provide some relief. Though it's disappointing to have to move out of your flat through no fault of your own, maybe it'll work for a while to be with your parents, and someone who can share some of the load in caring for the child, maybe letting you get a bit more sleep ? Simple sleep deprivation is enough to make any of us cranky and irritable -- I'll bet even Mother Theresa was cranky when sleep[ deprived !
Should you menion this to anyone with sense and a heart, they should understand, and should not be ridiculous enough to think you weak at all.
And sorry, but any GP or indee any person, who tells someone in genuine distress to "pull themselves together, deserves to be pulled apart. By wild dogs. IF you can get help ( eg on medical Aid ) see a competent shrink and counsellor

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Have faith | 2009/03/04

Have faith in yourself. Tell yourself out loud, looking at yourself in the mirror that you are a stong, lovely person who though no fault of you own finds herself in this temporary position. I have great great sympathy for your current situation, lack of sleep etc combined with the rest of your hassles is quite understandable, BUT it is only temporary. Move in with your folks. Believe me, if you have loving folks, they will take you and your babe in happily. Your Mom or Dad can help out with the sleepless babe and this will give you a break. If you can leave the babe with your folks and get away for a weekend to a friend/relative, do so. Just take a break from your life cycle for a short while. Think of all the positive things in your life, you have a job, maybe not the best but you have one, you have a babe, lovely even though sometimes you wonder ! But seriously, think about yourself, affirm that you are a great person and that this WILL pass. Remember, the Lord will never send you anything you can' t handle and there is a purpose in what He sends to you. On a lighter note, someone said that while they knew the Lords intention, but they just wished that He did not have so much faith in them being able to cope !! Please look after yourself and good luck

Reply to Have faith
Posted by: Just Me | 2009/03/03

Good luck, Lost. Be strong!

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: lost | 2009/03/03

thank you for your kind words

Reply to lost
Posted by: Wendy | 2009/03/03

I can certainly feel your pain. When my son was younger he was the worst sleeper - he was also up 5-6 times a night and it gets a bit much after a while. What I did was put him into bed with me (was also a single mother) and give him a bottle of water / juice within his reach. After a couple of nights he learnt that he could get the bottle by himself and he used to have a couple of sips and then drift off to bed. He' s probably picking up on your stress and just needs a little something for comfort. That worked for me and after a month or two he stopped waking me up and did it all himself. He eventually even stopped that and he learnt to get himself to sleep again. When he wakes up you need to explain over and over that it is sleep time and not time to talk or play or anything. Also if you can help it, don' t put the light on - do it all in the dark. I also think moving in with your parents will be a good move for you now as you will have some help with your child and you will be able to save money and then get on your feet again. Alternatively if you can find someone else to share a flat with you and expenses that might also help your situation. Good luck!

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