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Question
Posted by: Bronwyn | 2007/05/25

Dont feel like it anymore

I've known my husband for 6 years and I gave birth to our first child 3 months ago. Never in my entire life with him have I ever felt as hurt as I did when I was pregnant. He missed the first 5 months of my pregnancy because he just was not interested in me,he was ignoring me, I saw a different person in him, he has never been like that. They way he talked to me he showed total disregard for me and even told me that if I want divorce I can go ahead. I thought I was dreaming because he wanted a child more than anything in this world and at the time when I was carrying his child he treated me like dirt. I'm almost convinced there was someone in his life at that stage, he had all the funny symptoms of someone with extra marital affair. I vowed there and then that as soon as I give birth, I will look after myself , I'll take care of my self , focus more on my groomimg, make some friends, go out and be myself. I also told myself that I will get someone to have a secret affair with. The last few months he changed and he has very loving and involved. When I asked him about the way he acted he said "this pregnancy thing for me was all new, I could not understand you so I was getting used to it " That was never a good enough answer for me and I stuck to my vow. Since I gave birth ,I dont feel like having sex with him. I need sexual fulfilment but not with him. When we do have it , I find it boring. Yes I've changed , I now dress well, groom myself well, socialise and there's a lot of people out there who flirt with me. I'm really enjoying the attention I'm getting, I'm loving it . I love having all these men drooling over me , I havent had an affair with any. I give them my numbers, and I love the thrill of having to make excuses and get out of the house to answer their calls. My life seems more exciting at this stage than I've ever been. I'm happier, I'm always in a jolly mood. I havent not yet seen someone whom I can date, I'm very critical , so I'm in no hurry still enjoying the thrill. I enjoy being taken out by these suitors, I enjoy them complimenting me and making me feel like such a wonderful beautiful woman. I find my husband totally boring and I cant get myself to have sex with him. I force myself to do it. Am I going through a phase ?

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Our expert says:
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Do seriously consider seeing a marriage counsellor together ---you are describing a complex situation and I doubt whether either of you understand it well.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Stephnie | 2007/05/28

Don't play these silly games - you are going to get hurt. You are probably just "punishing" your husband for his behaviour while you were pregnant. You should go and see someone who will help you to deal with your feelings. Two wrongs don't make a right - don't have an affair because you think he did while you were pregnant. You will be making a huge mistake by getting involved with someone else while you are married. Extra-marital affairs sound so glamorous and cool - they are not. The guilt feelings are too much to bear - ask me I have been there. I wish I could turn back the clock and change a lot of the things I did in my first marriage - my husband treated me well and he loved me although he did not always show it. Today I miss him terribly and I still love him and I wish I could take it all back - he is happily married to someone else and I am married to a man I don't love and who treats me like dirt - I guess I am just getting a bit of my own medicine hey?? I have been divorced from my first husband for 13 years already and I regret every single minute of it. Regret is a very good thing, it just always comes too late. Be very careful and think this thing thru - you are going to be sorry and it's something you will not be able to change. The only good thing that has happened in my life since I divorced my first husband, was the birth of my son from my second marriage! I hurt my first husband a lot and today I am paying the price for it - I am being treated like dirt by my second husband and his family and I feel it is my punishment for what I did to my first husband and nothing I can say or do will ever change it. Please don't do something you are definitely going to regret!

Reply to Stephnie
Posted by: lady nina | 2007/05/25

hi there

you seem childish and very selfish

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Lims | 2007/05/25

if you truelly love your husband....you'll stop all this nonses. And you'll run as fast as you can to get some proffesional help for you and your hubby to be able to handle the new member in the family.and new roles you'll both be playing. You now a family no longer a couple,so grow up,there are people who relly on you and need you.

Reply to Lims
Posted by: Lilly | 2007/05/25

Are you not a bit old to play silly games?
What about your child?
I think you need a phase - a growing up phase!

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/05/25

Don't enjoy it too much, cause soon it may be over! As soon as all the men lose interest, you'll change your point of view!

Reply to Echelle

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