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Question
Posted by: Lulla | 2008/07/20

Don& #39 t know what 2 do

I am married for almost 7 yrs. I don' t know if this happens 2 everybody. My husband has been cheating all our marraige. Everytime he says how sorry he is and I forgive him and we move forward. Things has been good for the past few months. Suddenly for the last 3 weeks, he is out every saturday nigt, comes back in the early morning hrs. last week he has lipstick on his shirt, but denied anything. he said it could be anything red. it was all around the neck area.
yesterday afternoon he left home 2 buy beers never got back. He reurned early evening with siome soppy story about hius car been stiuck without petrol, got soem money and left before I could get the story. He is still not home and I haven' t heared a word.

We know each other for 10 yrs this year, and in this time i never showed interest in another man. Until about 2 months ago, I met someone at work. He is just the sweetest thing alive. We started chatting this week an really clicked. I don' t know it is if this thing with my husband is now getting out of hand and suddenly their is someonne to fill the gap.

I don t want to abuse this guy. He is also in a relationship but not married. My head is spinning.

What do I do????????

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Our expert says:
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Sorry to hear that your husband has been cheating through the marriage --- this is NOT what happens to verybody. Saying he's sorry is ovbviously insincere and meaningless, and as you apparently repeatedly forgive him, he probably assumes that you are prepared to tolerate this indefinitely. Don't copy your husband's infidelity, and remain aware that you are especially vulnerable due to your husband's consistent bad behaviour. Marriage counselling might help, but only if he would willingly and genuinely take part, which seems unlikely. Rather see a counsellor on your own to work on assertiveness and enhancing your low self-esteem, and work towards making a plan to look after your own best interests, which does NOT lie within accepting, excusing, and believing his silly excuses.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: suede | 2008/07/21

You want to die with stress allowing your husban to cheat on you? maybe you enjoy what he is doing, cheating on you since your marrige till now, one day there will be a kid coming into your house asking for his dady you' ll be suprise, what i can advise you about is try to change your moves like going out during weekend afternoon, make sure the kids are with your mum or your younger sister. go out enjoy yourself, movies especially 5h00 movie come home late i' m telling you he will wait for you he wont go anywhere cause you are not home he want' s to see what time are you coming back, he will wait you at the gate hoping you will come,he will call you and pls don' t answer the phone make him depress as much as he is depressing you while he is not home show him that what he is doing is not ok you can do that but because you respect your children your are not ready but you can anytime. trust me my hubby use to do that i cried eveyday i did not go for councilling or psycologist no i was a councilor myself by moving out of the house late afternoon saying i' l be back soon, after coming bak i insistat to use a condom and remember i went to the movies not dating anyone he was furious, angry saying a cheated on hin and said is that what you are doing when you are not home till late? i waited for him to sitdown and relax on the cauch and drinking his beer after 10minutes, i stood up and say baby i' m coming now i want to buy something at the mall and he agree not knowing what i was thinking then that was it now he' s the man i met before, he was always home until now he my husband do' nt give up you don' t on him you see this days life is cruel outside you better take care of yourself.

Reply to suede
Posted by: Liz | 2008/07/21

Why are you still with him????????

Reply to Liz
Posted by: sisterly advice | 2008/07/20

Go for counselling for yourself. Your husband is abusing you and the children, emotionally and by being involved with other women all the time, seems like if this has been occuring through the marriage, then what marriage have you had up to now. It sounds pretty much like he is having his cake right now....you are sitting home waiting for him and looking after his children. He doesn' t have any respect for himself let alone you. You have lost faith and trust in him.

So now its time to take care of yourself. The best revenge you can get is to treat yourself well, the best you can. Start saving some money on the side, without him knowing about it, open another account if needs be, it will be your nest egg.

The counselling should help you come to grips with your situation and if you are prepared to live this life with him as it is, well then its your choice, if not, you don' t have to put up with being treated this way by him. It demeans you. Its doing nothing for your self confidence and self esteem, thats why having a plan of action, will help you feel stronger and take your power back instead of feeling powerless.

By getting involved with other men is also not the answer. What you can do, if you decide to, is see a very good divorce attorney, and sue the unfaithful husband, sue him for everything he has.....he in entitled to maintain his children and you get the house and the car etc.

All the " sorry' s"  in the world can' t take away the past, but boy oh boy will he suddenly grow up and get the shock of his life. He is only treating you the way you are allowing him to treat you, because you have been putting up with it, trying to be the best wife to him.

For what I ask you. Take your power back right now, look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself do you like what you see.

Go have your hair done, your nails done and get a wonderful relaxing aromatherapy massage, why? Because you deserve it. Thats the type of care you need to look after YOU, as you are a mommy to your children, so that you can be there for them and show them how a role model mommy should behave.

Take care of yourself

Reply to sisterly advice
Posted by: Lulla | 2008/07/20

Thanks 4 the advice. The sorries are meaningless now. HE told me once that he is not willing to go for counc]selling. I will try once more but manybe I should focus on myself and my children. I try to be the best wife I can be. I need to take some time out really. I always told myself that I refuse to become a statictic but maybe it' s time I get the message.

Reply to Lulla

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