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Question
Posted by: Just Me | 2006/10/25

don't know what to do

I am so unhappy right now. I feel like noone actually wants me around unless it is to do things for them.

All i ever do is everything for everyone but i am never included in anything eg: My mom and dad are looking for a new house, i still live at home and my sister has just got married. My parents will ask my sister and her husband what they think of a house or something but will never ask me my opinion! We get together every weekend, the whole family, and yet i am the only one that gets asked to do things. My father also always finds fault in everything i say and do.

I just don't feel wanted or appreciated! its like i am invisible and like i am not important enough...

My other issue is with my sister... She has jealousy problems, accuses me of sleeping with her husband, and fights with me constantly, She told me she hates me and i can see that she doesn't want me around. She treats me like crap and when i spoke to my mother about it (there are so many issues i cant type them all) my mother turned around and said that she knows my sister has problems but there is nothing she can do about it, IT IS HER DAUGHTER!!!!!!! this is when i feel like i'm not good enough.

I am so unhappy right now i even have thought of just ending it so that i can get away and then they can realise how much i actually did and how hard i always try!!!

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, this does sound like a fairly general lack of respect shown for you, within the family. Maybe some CBT style counselling would help you to be more assertive ( which is so much more productive than being agressive ), and to get treated with more respect and consideration. You didn't mention your age. As Chelle says, maybe they think your sister is more experienced, as she is now running her own household. And from your comments about your sister, it sounds as though they have given up on trying to change some of her unpleasant ways.
At 22, you are entitled to go overseas if you want to --- they are not entitled to give or withhold permission.
Good luck with your chat with your mom. Let us know how it goes

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nols | 2006/10/26

why dont you move out or rather start making plans to get a place of your own.

Reply to Nols
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/10/25

Well, you will be more responsible than her when you move out! It's not about making you a slave, it's only about responsibility, really!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Just Me | 2006/10/25

It wasn't bad advise i just didn't understand you

Whether you pay rent or not you should not be a slave my sister didnt pay rent and she does nothing never has

Goodbye

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/10/25

I just asked if you are paying rent, because I wanted to figure out why your parents ask you to do everything, is that so hard to see? I can't be stupid about that, because more than one person saw the point of the question.

By the way, you didn't irritate me.

Why don't you ask your parents and your sister to write down all their problems about you on a piece of paper and you do the same, and maybe you can work something out then.

Well, I'm finished here. Sorry for the bad advise

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Just Me | 2006/10/25

I never wanted to hear poor me, but your advise did soon become critisism (sp) All i wanted to know was what should i do? i said i spoke to my mom, that didn't help and i just wanted to know what else i could do!!! I dont ever want people to feel sorry for me and i do truely love my family including my sister who cant stand me...

then i was asked if i pay rent ect ect...

i just didn't see why that was important. i have been feeling like this for a while and i am sorry if i peed you off or irritated you i was just trying to figure out what to do next as nothing is working out right now. maybe i am sensitive but i never changed anything around

i apologise

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/10/25

Maybe you should see the point in everything we ask.

We didn't want her to feel bad about herself, damn, can't you see that we were just trying to help?

You ask: "How can you give me advise when you don't even know me", so how can you expect anyone to give you advise, because no one here knows you personally!

You didn't give us more info!

What did you want to hear? Poor Just Me?!

You are taking everything personally and we don't even want to make you feel bad about yourself! We just wanted to help you, but you don't want help, you want sympathy, not help!

Maybe you are the same at home like you are here, so maybe that's the reason. Everything people say you turn around!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Just Me | 2006/10/25

Thanks Kathy for your advise, i just phoned my mom and we going to chat tonight!!!
Casey you are now being funny with Kathy!!!

Sorry, it doesn't matter... never mind

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: KATHY | 2006/10/25

ACTUALLY I DID PAY RENT AFTER I TURNED 21 I JUST DON'T SEE THE POINT IN ASKING HER THAT. SHE DOESN'T PAY RENT, SO WHAT THAT HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WAY SHE FEELS.

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE BEEN HERE BUT I THINK YOU ARE BEING INCONSIDERATE OF HER FEELINGS

Reply to KATHY
Posted by: Casey | 2006/10/25

So obviously KATHY (in caps) you didn't pay rent either.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: KATHY | 2006/10/25

GOD, DID YOU GIRLS READ THE START OF THIS POSTING. THIS GIRL DOESN'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT HERSELF AND NOW YOU ARE MAKING HER FEEL WORSE... WHO CARES IF SHE IS SENSITIVE, WHO CARES IF SHE DOESNT PAY RENT AND WHO CARES IF SHE LOVES HER SISTER OR NOT!!! SHE WAS LOOKING FOR GOOD ADVISE NOT TO BE CRITICIZED BY ALL OF YOU!!!!

JUST ME- SPEAK TO YOUR MOM AGAIN AND ASK HER WHAT SHE THINKS, HOW SHE SEES YOU AND THE SITUATION AND THEN TRY TO SORT IT OUT. IF YOU 22 AND FROM WHAT I CAN READ THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR A WHILE THEN IT WILL TAKE TIME TO GET FIXED...

AND SHE MIGHT BE SENSITIVE BUT SHE IS HUMAN. YOU GIRLS SHOULD SAY SORRY

Reply to KATHY
Posted by: Buffs | 2006/10/25

you seem to take everything people say to you personally, maybe thats the issue at home too? maybe your parents just ask you to do stuff cos you live there and your sister is a "guest" so to speak.. they spend everyday with you and maybe just want to spend some quality time with your sister?

you sound a little resentful of your sister actually.. sibling rivalry?

Reply to Buffs
Posted by: Just Me | 2006/10/25

Ok, well i was never asked to pay rent. Maybe i should ask!!!!
I am actually very responsible. you guys read this and make assumptions of what a person is like???
How do you know that i am mot mature or responible. I was just talking about how i feel like a white slave not a daughter that is wanted and i become not wanted, immature, not calm, irresponsible.... Just wondering where you guys get the info of who i am!!!

Rick is the radar for what??? what does he pick up!!!!

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Buffs | 2006/10/25

sorry but if this posting isnt fake then i would like to say that:

Yes i did pay rent when i was home. I also bought groceries and contributed to the water and lights bill.

Im 23 live with my hubby, moved out when i was 18.

your 22 years old for goodness sake grow up!! take some responsibility for yourself.

Reply to Buffs
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/10/25

I wasn't trying to fight with you, and I'm sorry that I made you feel the you do!

Yes I did have to pay rent!

I'm sorry that I'm going to say this, but it sounds to me that you are a very sensitive person, not in a bad way, but..... Ahhh never mind.

I didn't say that you are not mature or not calm, I only said that you must let them see that you are, and I said that you must stay calm at all times IN CASE you are not!

Well then, hope you sort everything out.

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Casey | 2006/10/25

Rick's our radar. Every now and again he goes on the blink and coughs instead of beeps.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/10/25

Rick - you're scaring me! :-)
Are you sure that tickle isn't being overly sensitive?

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Casey | 2006/10/25

Yes I did have to pay rent when I lived at home, part of growing up and learning responsibilities.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Just Me | 2006/10/25

I am mature and that is why i don't actually harp on this with my family. That is why i wrote to CS!!!!!!! I dont over-react and i am calm... I am just upset and unhappy and wanted to talk out. I don't understand how you can give advise when you don't know what i am actually like!!! There is nothing in what i said that makes me look like i am not being calm or mature.

My sister never had to pay rent. Did you have to pay rent when you stayed at home???

Whose Rick???

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/10/25

Rick... you need some attention? :-)

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Rick | 2006/10/25

Cough, cough (Sorry, again, seems like I have a tickle in my throat. Please carry on, I didn't mean to interrupt.)

Reply to Rick
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/10/25

The reason I ask - maybe they ask you to do everything because of you still living with them and they want to teach you some responsibility before you go on your own?

Maybe you should stay calm in every situation and let them see that you are mature enough to give your opinion, etc. It always helps to relax and to stay calm. You know who you are and I'm sure there must be a reason for everything.

Maybe it's difficult for them too, and maybe they don't know how to handle you and your sister or how to make you both feel appreciated.

Maybe all of you must talk together and settle this once and for all!

Good luck

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Casey | 2006/10/25

Well if you don't pay rent then are expected to help out regardless.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Just Me | 2006/10/25

No i do not... what has that got to do with it!!!!!!!

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/10/25

If I may ask, do you pay any rent?

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Just Me | 2006/10/25

I'm 22 years old and have wanted to venture out and get away but because my family have always been so close and because my sister never did anything drastic they don't want me too... and i know it sounds weird after i have said that i don't feel wanted trust me i don't understand either. I was going to go overseas this year and was told i am not allowed to. i respected my fathers wishes.

Chelle- i have discussed this with my mom, like i said my dad doesn't understand me. i have not been irrational and i have spoken about my feelings and what i feel is happening. i don't ever run my sister down and my mother has seen and heard how my sister acts. she is very aware of what is going on... she even says that my sister needs help.
I DO EVERYTHING!!!! Not only when visitors are there but even when its just the family. Noone will ever ask my sister or her husband to do anything and they wont do it themselves. They always just ask me!!! I mean i really dont mind helping out and doing things but i feel like thats all I am good for.
When i discussed this all with my mother she said that they act like this and treat me like this cos i am the stronger person, i can deal with it. but in all honesty i can't!!!

I never ask my mom to get involved or to solve the problem i am just talking to her!!! i dont expect her to do anything i just want her to listen, not tell me that she can't do anything and that it is her daughter!!

Sorry, i really sound like i am feeling sorry for myself, i just dont know what to do!

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/10/25

It doesn't sound like a pleasant situation at all, but it is possible that you're not seeing things from your parent's perspective either.

I doubt very much that they want to exclude you, and don't appreciate you. You're the one who is still at home and when there are visitors, the people who live in the home generally clean up.

They most probably see your sister as older, and more experienced, - perhaps they feel she can add more value ito certain things. This doesn't mean they think badly of you, or don't care what you think or feel though.

There is obviously some major rivalry between you and your sister. Although your mom could get involved, it sounds as though you are both old enough to resolve the issues yourselves. This is your sister and your relationship with her, or anyone else, is for you to create, change, or end.

I think a nice chat to your parents might help you - let them know how unhappy you are, and perhaps together, you can come up with some ways to make things better. Don't accuse them of not caring, and don't bad mouth your sister.
Rather express, in a thoughtful way, how you feel.

Best wishes.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: DD | 2006/10/25

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Reply to DD
Posted by: Blinky | 2006/10/25

HI Just Me - hopefully doc will give you a more helpful answer but I truly sympathise with you. Not sure how old you are or if you are working but maybe it's time to move out and build your life around people who like you and who are positive and someone you can have fun with. You have bravely spoken to your Mom but it has fallen on deaf ears. I see that you need recognition as a daughter and yet you are being taken advantage of. I bet you have a load of good qualities just waiting to burst out. How old are you and maybe we / other can also give input and some ideas of how to handle this. THERE IS A SOLUTION. Believe me.
Hang in there for now.

Reply to Blinky

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