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Question
Posted by: Unsure | 2004/03/03

Don't know what to believe.

I am married to the most wonderful man whom I adore. We have got a wonderful home and two beautiful kids. I have always been sure of his love and have never doubted him. But recently I have been receiving calls saying that he has been having an affair. The thing is he is alway home before me. In all the years we have been together, I think he has been on a little mission about +/- 5 times, but he always tells me where he has been and who he has been with. This person who calls me says I am living in a dream world to believe he is faithful to me. He denies everything and I believe him, I just wish this person will stop harrasing me (I've got proof). She obviously want us to split. She told him that I have been harrasing her, which is untrue. This is causing a strain on our marriage and I don't know what to believe anymore. I love him more than anything and would not do anything to jeopardise out marriage. I should not let this bother me because in my heart, I know he is faithfull to me and I am sure she just wants to get a reation out of me, which of course I am obliging, I can't help it, but my marriage is worth more than her little calls and I am not going to let her come between us anymore. I would like to know how I can put a stop to all this nonsense.

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Our expert says:
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Change your home phone number, and if possible, any other number on which she is phoning you. If she persists, ask your Husband to go to the court and get a restraining order against her, to forbid her to contact EITHER of you in any way or to come within x many metres of you. If he won't join you in this, surely that would be very suspicious ?
As for your response to JUlie's coment, gee, if problems only related to occasions when there was mutual attraction ! --- the fact that she imagines there coulod be something with him, doesn't have to be based on any interest on his part. What of the nuts who adore Michael Jackson or Madonna, though they've never met him and he/she has never heard of them ?
It is a good idea for you to confront her jointly, and this doesn't need to be done at work. It almost sounds as if she is blackmailing him by promising to create a scene at work if he doesn't put up with her. That's where a court order ( obtained out of the office ) could be useful. If she works direct6ly with him, then this is a form of sexual harrassment of him by her, and he should invoke the relevant legislation and discuss this with his seniors, to have her disciplined at work and redeployed so she doesn't need to be in contact with him. And he sounds as if he's being very naive here --- it's not simply an issue of trusting him, but of not trusting her.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nicki | 2004/03/05

Ur story sounds a bit fishy.
How did the other woman get ur number?
Remember in this whole transaction, u r the innocent and the one in the dark so dont let ppl tell u that u r doing something wrong
Secondly u can have phone records pulled on ur work phone that can be traced back to her
Thirdly, the doc is right, get a restraining order against her whether ur hubby likes it or not.
Fourthly, the best way to solve a problem is to confront the problem especially if u have evidence.
Fifthly, just keep ur eyes open in life, this woman would only want ur hubby if he gave her the impression that he would of wanted something with her if u were not in the picture that is unless she is a stalker which is a totally different situation.

Reply to Nicki
Posted by: Unsure | 2004/03/05

Dear Doc,

The fact that she only calls me at work is a problem, I don't have a home phone. I don't know where she got my number from. She even came to my work to so call "confront me" about harassing her (I think she just did that to see my reaction to her). My husband says that he will set up a meeting between all of us then doesn't (I am not asking him to do it at work). I asked why won't he, he says that I should just forget about it because nothing happened. It is easy for him to say forget it, he is not the one that got the calls and this makes suspicious and makes me mistrust him and I am afraid that if we don't have a confrontation, it is going to bug me and I hate having this feeling that he has lied to me. Because what other reason could it be? What should I do, should I just forget it and get on with our life or should I have a confrontation with them.

Reply to Unsure
Posted by: slr | 2004/03/04

there probably was a little fling between the two of them, and now she is in love while he wants to forget about it.

the woman (i.e. YOU) is always the last to know! i think the chances of them having had a little affair is bigger than her making up the whole story.....otherwise he would talk to both of you at some neutral place, not so?

he is definitely hiding something.

Reply to slr
Posted by: Unsure | 2004/03/04

Thats just the problem, he doesn't want to confront her with me, because he doesn't want a seen at work. I said we don't have to have a confrontation at work, we can go somewhere else. He says that I must trust him because he swears on our kids life that nothing happened.

Reply to Unsure
Posted by: volcano | 2004/03/03

Unsure, you have proof of who the liar is in this story. She tells you one thing and your husband something else. The two of you should take a stand and tell her to get lost. As you say, people who try and wreck other people's marraiges are not worth worring about.

Reply to volcano
Posted by: Unsure | 2004/03/03

I came to the same conculsion you have, but I want to know why she is so interested in my husband when he is obviously not interested in her. The only thing I can think of is that she wants me to leave him, so that she can get her claws in. The only thing she doesn't realise is that she underestimated his love for me and how much he wants to be with me and how mush I love him and I am not going to throw it all away because she is not worth it.

Reply to Unsure
Posted by: Julie | 2004/03/03

Hi there friend. Gee sometimes life can be so difficult and people out there can be very weird. You obviously know who this person is, does she work with your husband? She seems to be a vindictive bitch. It sounds to me that she wants your husband. Can you make an interdict banning her from phoning you or if things really do not pan out right, you can threaten her with "alienation of affection". But in my opinion if your husband does know her through work, there might have been a little flirt at some stage and she has decided to take it as an indication of affection - she wishes the affair was with him. Good Luck, keep you chin up

Reply to Julie
Posted by: Soul | 2004/03/03

Hi Unsure

Your hubby said that nothing is going on between the 2 of them. Why does he not believe you when she tells him that you are the one doing the phoning, it's like his taking her word over yours and in doing that I would just how innocent the 2 of them really are.
Yes you sound like your in a tough spot.

With regards to this other woman telling you that you're living in a dream world she needs a reality check, she's the one living in a dream world if she thinks that your hubby is going to leave you for her. I;m not say that hubbies never leave their wives for another but you folks sound like you got something good going and this tart is in the recking business, she's got nothing better to do with her life than to cause drama in others lives.

Everything sounds like she's talking hog wash the only thing that bothers me about it all is that your hubbies taking her word over yours. I'd say that is something to look into

I hope all works out for you.

Take Care
Soul

Reply to Soul

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