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Question
Posted by: Shy | 2003/03/05

Don't know how to find someone

Hi,

I've just came out of a relationship and i feel it's time to move on. My problem is 'n met my ex-girlfriend through work. I've got no idea how to find someone. I don't like to go out to pubs and clubs. The sport i take part in has no single girls.... I don't even know where to begin... I've have spoken to my family and they can't think of a way to help me and i agree that it's something i have to work out. I'm also very shy and don't speak to strangers easly.

what must i do????????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

ell, shyness can be helped by counselling. But when you think of it, you met your previous gf without having any more idea of how to find someone --- so you are able to meet nice people even without being an expert at it.
A broader range of activities might help, as they provide more opportunities to meet people. It's worth widening your range of friends in general, not focussing on single girls --- some of the married women you meet, and the blokes, may have nice single sisters --- it's a matter of networking, really. If you don't like pubs and clubs ( neither do I ) then there's not much point in haunting them --- and you'd be more likely there, to meet pubby and clubby girls of the sort you wouldn't like anyway.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/03/05

Dear Shy -- it's difficult. Don't ever force yourself to go to clubs, etc. when it's not "your kind of thing". Have you thought about joining a gym? I don't know how easy it is to meet girls there, but it might be a start -- at the juice bar ...?? Do you have good male friends? Relaxed braais at the home of friends -- who might be nice enough to invite a few lonely girls as well! -- is an easy-going way to spend a Saturday or Sunday afternoon!

Then -- don't laugh too hard now -- how about doing something about night lessons, like cooking or learning French??? Or even pottery? At the least you could duck out of them, at the best you will have great fun, learn something into the bargain, and maybe meet nice friends who might introduce you to other nice friends ...

Have you lost contact with all the girls in your matric class? Was there someone you fancied, or are they all married? Because you could always try and ring one or two again and have a chat. I feel one's school friends knew one well enough so you don't have to be shy!

Or -- depending on your salary -- go on some kind of holiday where people are together for a week or so. Look in the Getaway magazine for holiday offers, like going to Moçambique or touring the Garden Route. (etc) Good luck!

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: Paul | 2003/03/05

Dear Shy I can relate to what you are saying. Clubs and the like are in anyways no place to meet a mate. All I want to say is make sure you take enough time before moving on - For me it is 10 months later and things are only starting to happen now...

Reply to Paul

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