Posted by: Pauline | 2004/03/11

Don't know anymore

My boyfriend has changed in the last bit, i can't describe it cause i feel it inside, well i spoke to him about it and says there is no problem, and doesn't wanna talk about it. i replied but its about how i'm feeling, no response and i came to realise i'll never be able to make him happy and God knows i try. He says he loves me people say that all the time, but its also nice to show it too, maybe i expect to much. Well today again we had a fight and he turned it around on me as if its my fault when he started it. Saying i expect him to do this, be like this, when all i wanted was a Thank you from him. I said if there's another fight then that's it because then were not meant to be together, i know people fight we all do but not every second day. I love him that's no lie, but a relationship can't survive on love alone can it??

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Our expert says:
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Dear Pauline,
No, I don't think love on its own is enough. Relationship counselling would help, but he'd probably reject the idea. Maybe seeing a counsellor yourself might help you to get things into better perspective, especially about whether you may be expecting a bit too much, and communicating poorly, When you say "all I wanted was a thank you from him" I wonder whether he was able to know that, and whether it wouldn't have worked out better if you'd have explained that calmly to him ?
And Frustrated's advice is excellent --- talk to him more generalloy, about how things are going for him, maybe there are other things irritating him, too.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Frustrated | 2004/03/11

Pauline, most likely the problem lies not with you, but with him. Remember that anger suppresses many emotions, fear, guilt, embarresment and many more. Maybe he's stressed at work, or afraid of something that might happen? Talk to him but be very tactfull, stroke his male ego, and let him know there is nothing he can't talk to you about, that he can trust you and you won't laugh at any problem no matter how silly he thinks it is. Let him know it's important to you that he's happy, and want to help. Good luck

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