Posted by: Concerned | 2012/02/01

Domestic violence

My younger sister is involved with a steroid pumping ex rugby player. THey have been together on and off for over a year. It recently came to light that he has been beating her up. It was alwasy a very toxic relationship where they fought very often and my sister became a different person towards the family not telling us anything. She recently moved out of the house and numerous work collegues informed me of her constant late comming, missing work and bruises on her ams and face. When asked she told them she had fallen, or her tooth needed to be pulled that''s why her face was swollen ect. She has denied being beaten to the family and has now cut us all off saying we are ruining her relationship. Her neighbour told me she has heard fighting and banking and said that it sounds like this man is beating her up. The neighbour who also works with my sister, tells me whenever she hears this, my sister calls in sick for a day or two. I don''t know what to do do help her if she is lying and covering up for this guy. He takes her bank card on pay day and when he returns it, she has no money. She has told my youngest sister on numerous occasions that she had gone days without eating. She refuses to talk about it with anyone in the family and as a result now has cut us out totally. I have to call her work collegues to ask if she is looking okay or she has been coming to work. I fear he may kill her but I can''t understand why she is covering for him. Is there a legal intervention or something we can do even if it''s against her will?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm sure you're aware of howm unwise it is for anyone to get into a relationship with a steroid abuser ( there are no proper USES of steroids in a well person ) ; and steroids apart from significant bodily harm, cause serious mood disturbances, too. She now sounds like a sadly typical abuse victim, making excuses and remaining within reach of the abuser, perhaps with pathetic delusions that he will change. She is at really significant risk of abuse and possibly even death at his hands. But its terribly hard to inervene if she is foolish and stubborn enough to life about it, deny the problem and while she won't lay charges. She is an adult, and adults are allowed to be foolish.
While there are proviions in law for compulsory / involuntary intrvetion where the individual has a defined mental disorder and is a risk to herself or others, but I have not known it applied to the pahological denial of an abuse victim.
You may need to remain vigilant and lok for any time her resolve to protec him abates and when she might be open to being sensible.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Palesa | 2012/02/06

there is nothing you can do to get your sister to leave this man..i was in an abusive relationship for years and preachers, psychologists, friends, family, collegues, the police tried in vain to get me to leave him and in the end we were seeing each other secretly as i had told everyone we had broken up..

Only when i decided that i had had it did the relationship end..

I was lucky to have gotten away from this whole thing with a few cracked ribs..and some psychological issues..i cannot explain what drove me to keep defending and going back to this man but i far as i was concerned " people just didnt understand" 

Ill be praying for her because she trully does not know what she is doing..dont give up on her..keep encouraging her to day she will..

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