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Question
Posted by: Hans the General | 2008/01/28

does she want me back?...so confused!

hi cyber shrink,

First some background...my long-time girlfriend broke up with me about 6 months ago...it was my fault really, drinking and partying too much, taking her for granted, etc.
Anyway, I tried to get back together with her and she wouldn't budge. The last conversation we had, she told me she hated me, is seeing someone else and that I should just move on and forget about her...I moved on, dated and continued my partying ways but lately I've slowed down and started thinking about her again.
I emailed her over the festive season and by some miracle she replied. We've been emailing each other back and forth and I'm totally chuffed that there's still some communication between us! She says that she's not seeing anyone, just staying away from guys for now and concentrating on her career.

Now, the problem...she's agreed to meet me for coffee. This should be a good thing right? Thing is...I'm not really over her and I still care deeply for her and want us together again. She's only agreeing to see me because she believes I'm over her, which I am soooo not!

How am I going to hold it together and act aloof when I'm still so in love with her?
If she truly hated me and never wanted to see me again, why would she agree to meet with me anyway?
Does the fact that she wants to see me indicate that she will warm up to the idea of us getting together again?
Would she want me back when she sees that I've changed my evil ways?

Doc, i need some answers here!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Surely she is the only one who can answer your questions ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Hope* | 2008/01/28

sorry to say, I dont think she wants you back, unless her circumstances have changed, and even so, your previous relationship with her did not work and she stands a huge chance of you going back to your old ways.

Reply to Hope*
Posted by: John | 2008/01/28

You're meeting her under false pretences. You say that the only reason she agreed to meet with you is that you led her to believe that you have no romantic interest in her.

You owe it to her to tell her the truth. Tell her that you want to meet with her with a view to exploring the possibilities of the two of you striking it up as a couple again. Tell her that you have changed for the better and that you are a new man, etc.

If she then agrees to meet with you, you will have answered all your questions. If not, well, ditto. But you do need to come clean and be the new person you say are. If she won't meet you then its time to move on and let some other woman be the benefactor of the whole new you.

Reply to John
Posted by: sideways | 2008/01/28

I think you already know the answers here. You seem fully aware that she doesn't feel the same way as you do, isn't right now looking to rekindle your love and is meeting you under the belief that the feeling is mutual for you. Meeting her with your hopes and expectations would be misleading to her and result in huge disappointment for you. You're setting yourself up for hurt here. She might be interested in a new relationship with you once you do reform a friendship and she get's to know the new you, but for now that's probably all she wants, is to get to know the new you on a friendship basis and take it from there. Seriously, reconsider meeting her for coffee because your heart is going to get hurt if you are hoping to immediately recover what you lost.

Reply to sideways

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