Our expert says:
As you know, we can't afford to run a 24-hour immediate response service here ! And though I understand what you want, you should also understand that I can't suggest the wording of your mesages o her, or responses to hers.
What you said to her sounds reasonable and sincere. I think, from her response, it is important, though, to face other elements in the problem. Maybe she has fully worked through the earlier rape experience --- that happens. Some people remain devastated by such experiences, other people recover brilliantly and get over it. She does make it clear that for her, other issues, including a sense that you tend to be over-controlling and smothering, perhaps over-protectve, are seriously problematic for her. And if you really care about her, it is essential or you to take seriously what she is actually complaining of, and not merely stick to your particular theory that only the past rape matters.
OK she seems to have challenged you to some form of psychological duel (!) by suggesting that you arange for the two of you to see a shrink, together, to discuss all the issues that lie between you, and get a more objective view of the problems that need to be dealt with. How about taking her up on that ?
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