Posted by: Zelda | 2008/10/27

Does he love me or just need someone?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He' s always been loyal to me and has made a point of spending most his free time with me and including me in all activities with his family and friends from the beginning.

On the other hand, he can be needy/emotionally demanding  he never verbally tells me I' m beautiful to him (but does call me ' sexy'  in smses) and we have very different interests (which means it' s sometimes hard for me to connect with him on a deeper level. In the beginning I was OK with this but now I find myself feeling frustrated).

Is our relationship superficial? Is he really so smitten with me? (He often comments that I love him less than he loves me.) How can he be deeply in love with me if there' s so much about my inner world that doesn' t interest him? Is that just the way he is: less introspective than me and therefore more easily satisfied on an emotional level?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Here's the thing. YOur bf is a man. Men often don't think of telling you explicitly that you're beautiful. YOu seem to be expecting a level of relationship, with deep interest in the inner secrets of the other, which most men don't look for and some are incapable of doing. Much of what you describe abouit him sounds like a really loving man --- maybe your expectations have become a bit unreasonable. He is what he is, and you are what you are --- and it is definitely possible to love each other as you are, without feeling a need for the partner to transform into someone very different. Maybe some sessions of couples counselling would help you to understand each other better

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Our users say:
Posted by: butterfly | 2008/10/28

you have been together for 4 years &  you only see a problem now? I dont think he just needs someone, could it be you dont love him &  you just " need someone" . Everyone has there only individuality that you cant change, all you can do is compromise &  try to make things work but surely after 4 years you 2 should of found common ground.Good luck I hope things work out for you.

Reply to butterfly
Posted by: SR | 2008/10/28

So your emotional needs are not being met because he is not ' getting you'  anymore. Ask yourself the question, what was going right ... right at the beginning of the relationship that is now lacking in the current relationship. Did you just overlook these qualifies in him or has he not made an effort to get to know you better?

Reply to SR

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