Posted by: Confused | 2005/11/29

Do we really have the power within us to change ?

I often read about the power within people who have had the courage to improve their lives. Friends of mine are forever reading selfimproving books, but after a while they back to where they started. I just wish someone could tell us how one can really transform and improve your mental state permanently. I read poems and positive thoughts from people, they are in the one ear and out the other. I think a mental state could also be phsiological and cannot be corrected simply by talking to someone or reading a book.......Whats the answer ?

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Our expert says:
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Most self-empowerment books, sadly, empower nobody but the authors and publishers. CBT is the way to make whatver changes are needed in the way you think about life, and to make those changes permanent.

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Our users say:
Posted by: waterblom | 2005/11/30

Yes, you have the power and yes you can change,,,,but it's darn hard work.
It's often said that it takes 21 days to reprogramme our minds. So a positive affirmation repeated over and over, while you feel like the new you, should do it.
The only trouble is, we don't really believe in our own power and that's why it doesn't work. Besides how many of us watch our feelings?.
I've come along way and self help books have helped me a lot. In fact they've helped me more than five years of therapy did.
Best of luck.

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Posted by: :::; | 2005/11/29

thanx guys for this question. made me to think a lot. especially that have invited boyfriend to join me for relaitionship therapy and he does not believe in that. it is not comfortable to him. he cant confront his past. rather attend support groups where he can hide behind a mask and the rest of the group.

we have relationship problems. yet we are planning to marry next year.

sometimes we want to take away that pain in our lives and relastionships that we would even do anything to do that. even to force matters.

your postings here on this issue have made me realise i cannot force him to come with me to therapy and most of all to this wonderful journey that i seek to explore to reconstruct my life. i must take charge on MY life not his. I must do what Valkyrie phrase as, "want so badly". he does not want change so badly. it is my challenge to make sure that i lead the life i want to lead and empower myself that whatever he does (while he still hides behind mask and everybody else) does not affect me. i be me. thank you

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Posted by: Valkyrie | 2005/11/29

Frusty, I agree with you and on the bad days that is the time you draw your willpower from the strength within yourself. As you say at the end of the day when you look back you have that satisfaction of knowing that you have conjured the negative in yourself with a positief action. KEEP IT UP, GIRL!!

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Posted by: fin/ex | 2005/11/29

yes we do - but i think it is a constant battle. we need to remind ourselves every day of how we want our lives to be. some days are good, some days bad, but in the most when you have changed through that inner power the bad days are easier to ride.
for me it was therapy, spititualoty and then a major paradigm shift happened and i started viewing things differently and so started acting differentky to circumstances - but you dont just change and stay unchanged, as i said you have to work at it.
good luck
self help books are also the start i think of a road to changing

Reply to fin/ex
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/29

I don't think it is usually either or... it's a combination of both.....

Unlearning habits is more difficult than learning something new..... and this is why self improvement is so difficult..... the thing to remember though that life isn't about always smiling and never having a difficult time.... we are human and experience emotions.... nothing will change that.

To improve as a person is a life long journey.... it's continuous improvement... as you experience life you learn new things about yourself... and sometimes that which you realise is something you'd like to change.... and then you work on that aspect whilst still working on things you learned before.... it's honestly never ending... it takes a committment to yourself... which is often the most difficult committment to make!

I don't think any mental state could be changed by reading a book... a book could open you to some new ideas about yourself which you then have to work on... but reading the book in itself isn't enough.. it's that ongoing "work" that pays off.

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Posted by: Frusty | 2005/11/29

Valkyrie, the bad days are the days when the reward is the best! The fact that you have to work harder at it somehow gives you the feeling of achievement at the end of the day when you know that you have succeeded.

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Posted by: Valkyrie | 2005/11/29

Frusty: I agree and the reward is worth the effort, even on those days that you don't feel like keeping to your decision.

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Posted by: Frusty | 2005/11/29

Welllll, I have done just that. Changed my whole outlook on life. I did not need or use a book or anything else to do it. It was a conscious decision on my part and it takes hard work initially, but it is so worth it. You have to continuously remind yourself every morning of the choice you have made as soon as you wake up and live it that day. It does get easier, but it is a slow process. It does not happen overnight and no book or poem will do it magically for you.

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Posted by: Valkyrie | 2005/11/29

I never profess to have any answers that would be to the satisfaction of the other person. My answers are only taken from my own experiences othewise I believe to shut my mouth. My power from within comes when I want something very badly. I will explain. Being a little overweight has never been an issue to me as I get enough compliments on a daily basis. So it was not a case of being fat ugly and lonely. But one day I had this urge, it felt like my body was screaming "exercise I need it" It took me 6 months of mental preparing for the new me. I argued but I don't have to - the pain will be excutiating - I don't feel like it - i don't have the time (I was lying) I had to make sure that going for the new me was really what I wanted. And not until the day that I knew mentally that I was prepared for it did I start with my new program. I wanted it so badly by then that I could not wait to go to gym and start constructing the new me. So I be if you want something very badly your inner strength is what drives you to achieve your goal.

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Posted by: wondering | 2005/11/29

Fantastic question. God only knows. CS will tell you it's CBT. I want to try CBT bu can't find a CBT psychologist.

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