Posted by: Lynn | 2009/07/15

do we have an emotional aura?


How true do you think it is that if you do not expect to meet a wonderful partner and settle down and have yr dream family, it will indeed never happen? But if it is true, how come you get thousands of stories of ppl who say ' I had totally given up on love and then suddenly out of the blue, I met..." 

Coming fm a history of betrayal and rejection, is it a given no one will be attracted to me becoz I am giving off a ' low self-esteem, damaged goods'  vibe?

Funny thing is that when I am out, ppl flit around me and I am the life of the party. None actually want to get involved with me though, except for cheap-thrill reasons, given I am an attractive woman. Do you think ppl see thru my social butterfly vibe and can somehow tell I am one of those women carrying around a very broken heart?

I would say I have been in a broken-hearted state around 7.5 yrs now. Not dated at all in that time, yet attract attention left right and centre. It comes to nothing in that I do not attract ppl wanting to be in relationships and whats more they are very surprised I do not want to go with their ' friends with benefits'  proposal.

Am I giving off the wrong emotional aura? How, with my gregarious personality? Ppl tell me I come across as one of the most confident ppl they have ever met.

just wondering, thanks..


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I used to have an aura, but I found it hard to her the right sort of batteries.
Most things happen out of the blue, either because they could not have been expected, or because we failed to pay due attention to signs that it would happen. And there's something in Serendipity ( what a nice word that is ! ) , the art of managing to be open to good fortune.
You are only damaged goods if you insist on being thus. And yes, low self-esteem or self-dislike tends to make one unattractive to others. Whether people see through your superficial disguise, only they could tell you, but obviously it's possible. And the social butterrfly is much less attractive than most social butterflies seem to think. Social lepidopterists are less common than you might think. Nor is it always attractive to appear so confident.
Why not consider some sessions of CBT therapy, to understand better what you want, and what may be hindering you from reaching that ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Really | 2009/07/15

Are you sure that you respond to as many guys as they are as many that are really interested? I m not saying you need to respond to every Tom, Dick and Harry!

I know of a friend who thought exactly as you do and she was also coming from a very bad relationship. Right now she is about to get married to a guy she never even noticed, someone she didn' t click with and when they eventually got together, they do have a lot of things in common and they both have the same future goals, and they have fallen in love so much it' s not funny.

Not to say they do not have probems and issues in there relationship, they do, but because they love each other, they are able to deal with them aimicably! And most importantly, they both seem to know what they want.

All the best

Reply to Really
Posted by: Phil | 2009/07/15

I might e wrong, but I don' t know you that well. If I knew you better, would have given you a more definate answer.

Obviously people don' t know ur deeper emotions and problems. But. That social perosnality could be hiding the truth of hwo u really feel, but at the same time it could be sending a very wrong message? Hope it makes sense? If someone actually really took the time to get to know you, things might be diffirent. And especially since you say you are easy on the eye, it could even be more so.

Reply to Phil

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