Posted by: rose | 2009/03/27

do i still want to be married?

my husband and i have been together for 11 years, married for 4. He is ten years older than me (i' m 27) and i we used to be so happy together. over the past few years i feel that i' ve " grown up"  and so has he. but we' ve both become different people to who we were when we met. sometimes i feel as if he is my child and i' m just looking after him. we don' t have any kids and due to fertility problems we probably will never have our " own"  child. last year i started having an affair with a mutual friend of ours. we' ve slept together twice in the ten months and most of the time its just a phone call or sms once a week. my husband found out, but forgave me. he doesn' t know that i am still in contact with this man. i do not love this man, nor do i have any feelings for him. it was just fun. but last week i met someone who just happens to be perfect. i think i' m falling for this guy, and the feeling is mutual. we have not ever touched one another though, and have just spent time chatting. i' m so confused. am i just interested in this guy because of my disappointment in my marriage and the fact that my husband and i can' t conceive a baby? i' m not sure how i feel about my husband. we' ve had some good years together, but i just dont feel the same about him anymore. this situation is unfair on him. what do i do now???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What you are doing is seriously unfair to your husband, and you know it. YOur marital disappointments could have been dealt with in marriage counselling, and are not an excuse for such cheating. And you don't seem to respect your husband's having forgiven you for your previous straying.
Discuss your feelings of disappointment frankly and gently with your husband, and explore how he feels. Explore options like marriage counselling, or separation rather than remaining in the marriage anc cheating. How thoroughly were the fertility problems explored --- are you sure you would be fertile with anyone else ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: rose | 2009/03/30

Well thanks for all the feedback. CS, we have thoroughly investigated our fertility problems. My husband is infertile and does not produce any sperm. The doctor suggested a biopsy to see if any sperm cells could be harvested directly from the testes but my husband refuses to allow anyone to " cut"  him. So there goes my baby! Oh, he won' t consider donor sperm either. I' ve suggested counselling, and he said I could go if I want. I think I need him there as well. I know that none of this excuses my behaviour, but even a sly horrible person like myself can try to make things better.

Reply to rose
Posted by: Big R | 2009/03/30

You are not a good wife or woman. You are sly and your husband forgave you the first time and yet you are looking at other men again. how would you feel if he did this to you. Leave him if you don' t want him!!!!!!!!

Reply to Big R
Posted by: Guest | 2009/03/28

You have said it yourself. It is unfair to your husband, and you are taking away a chance for him to meet somebody else, who will make him just as happy as the man you have met. I would suggest that you give your husband the freedom he deserves, and be honest with him. Maybe he feels the same way??

Reply to Guest

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