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Question
Posted by: help | 2005/07/11

do I stay



Me & my b/f have been going out for 6years now. He broke up with me 3 time already but we got back together again. I always thought that I can never live without him. I know Im far from perfect and vice versa. He always says he wants his space, wants to go out with his freinds, etc. I have become so insecure over these couple of years coz it feels like he is constantly finding away not to be with me. He says he loves me but I just dont feel it. Whenever we watch a movie and it has a naked lady in, I get upset or when he chats to another female. I dont want to feel like this anymore. For these past 3 months he has been working overtime, weekends and I seldom get to see him. I always make a effort to be with him but it seems like he is not interested. He doesnt phone me during the day, or evens just a sms. Its like he doesnt mind not being in contact with me at all. Im, I being unreasonable. I just feel like he doesnt care, I try so hard to show him how much I care about him. Please give me advise, I love him

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Our expert says:
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I have a feeling that whenever the "I cannot live without him/her" feeling arises, one needs to take deep breaths and consider counselling. After a long life together, it can indeed be very hard to live without a long-loved one. But within the first decade or so, it's possibly hyperbole, or obsession. Again, as in other similar questions recently, you seem to be describing an excessive degree of attachment and clinging, an insecurity that speaks of low self-estem, and a need for counselling to sort this out so you can be a happier but more independent member of such a relationship. it could well be because of how clinging you have become, that he has been drawing back and seeming less interested. One wants a relationship with a real, independently breathing woman, not with a Siamese Twin ! ANd MOST normal men don't phone or SMS their lover during the day --- if they did, the economy would be in much worse shape than it is ! yes, you have been unreasonable, and by modifying this possessiveness in counselling, you could make the whole relationship much more wholesome and more secure.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: help | 2005/07/11

thanks so much for your replies

I will be seeing a counsellor later this week, I really wana do somthing about this.

Its like he has turned me into this desperate woman, I was never like this. I try so hard to talk to him but he doesnt really understand me. He just says that everybody is different and I cnt expect him to act the same way I do.

It hurts me so much, I dont know how long I can still be with him.

Really, if he says he loves me then why cant he just show it

Like CS said, I dont mean for him to phone, sms etc everyday but at least once in a while... but the sad thing is when I know he email his other buddies

He is not ready to get married yet, wants to wait till he gets a better job so we can live comfortably

Know Im wondering if I do want to marry this man, but I know love him very much...thats why Im so hurt

Reply to help
Posted by: Jemma | 2005/07/11

I think you must have a long talk with your boyfriend and tell him what you want out of this relationship (after you yourself has decided exactly what you want) and then make a decission either to continue or break up. I know it would be hard to leave him but has your relationship got anywhere after 6 years or are you guys still just floating around?

Good luck.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: SG | 2005/07/11

You appear to be very jealous but it could be because you have been forced that way with your partners behaviour.
Have a good hard look at yourself and if you conclude that you are putting in 100 pc but he is not,then it could be time to look ahead and decide what you want out of a relationship.
There are a lot of good people out there,someone who will love you for who you are AND make you very happy.

Reply to SG

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