Posted by: DINX | 2005/07/06


My 17 year old daughter has a steady boyfriend of 6 months. She does not volunteer information about her personal life. I would like to know if she is sexually active, but just don't know how to broach the subject, without sounding "nosey" or, as she puts it sometimes "paranoid"!!!!
Your help will be greatly appreciated.
Kind Regards

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi there,

if you want to know so that you can offer advice on precautions and not rushing into anything then you can do this without actually knowing whether she is active or not. Also your daughter knowing that you dont mind whether she is or isnt active may allow her to open up to you.

If it is just that you want to know just for knowings sake then there is little that can be gained from this.

But as a concerned mom letting her know that you want the best for her without being judgemental will go a long way.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mike | 2005/07/08

I have a 17 & 19yr old daughter and my advice is do not pry or snoop into her life at this point. Your daughter is no longer a child but a young woman. You have to learn at this point to support her decisions even though her ways may not be your own. There is nothing to be gained by knowing about her sex life. I just made sure my daughters understood if they ever needed the pill or condoms I would ensure they could obtain them no questions asked. Both are very open with me on any subject as I've learned overeactions cause more problems than they solve. Please see my post titled Teens. The most you should do now is let her know as she has a steady boyfriend if she needed any birth control, etc.,that you would help her attain it in confidence, this may open up conversation. You must set the groundwork for an adult relationship with your daughter, I did and you'd be surprised how they'll open up if you keep a non-judgemental approach. Sometimes mine give toooooo much info, but our relationships have never been better. Both daughters are living on their own now .

Reply to Mike
Posted by: Chris | 2005/07/07

Ok, i have a bit more freedom (20), but a good trick that works almost everytime is, DONT be a mother, teenagers dont really do the whole parent thing, they want to be independant and find their feet, rather, offer yourself as a friend. Keep in mind that this is not a once off thing, it has to be a part of your relationship, then, when sheis ready, and comfortable, she will approach you. The more force you use, the further away you push her, but the more space you give, the more relaxed she will be. Trust me, i ended up deciding not to see my mom for 2 1/2 years, its not the best thing in the world, but it just shows what a parent can drive their child to do. Hope this helps a bit.

Reply to Chris
Posted by: Disturbed | 2005/07/07

I'm 17 and I also have a steady bf, I approched my mother when I was ready, I knew she was interested and I hated it, I was not going to talk to her about it at all intill I felt i was sure I could cope with a converstaion like that with my mother, If she would have asked, I probley would have gotten angery at her for butting into somthing that was none of her concern.
Now i don't live at home and I can talk about it freely with my mum.

Reply to Disturbed

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