Posted by: b | 2005/11/21

do i need to leave - please help me...

we have been married for a year now. my husband went away for three weeks to cape town(where he grew up) for work. before he went away we had fights and he would grab my neck and choke me. he came on friday and we were fine and just all of a sudden i spoke to him about something that bothers me and he lost his cool. he pushed me onto the bed and held me down and shouted at me. he said the most terrible things.

after that he left with his things, only to return later on and telling me that he is going to end his life, he said he had enough.

i don't know anymore. please help

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Our expert says:
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He sounds as though he has not merely become abusive, but as though he is hysterically over-reacting to rathe minimal provocation. What else is going wrong with his life at this time ? Don't be manipulated, but maybe have a trial separation, and see if he can cool down and seek the help he sounds as though he rather obviously needs.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Been there | 2005/11/21

What a manipulative idiot! You are not responsible for his decisions or his life, but you are responsible for yours. Get out while you can. If you decide to stay, be ready for a lifetime of abuse and degradation. Surely you don't think that this is the best you can do? Alone is far better and dignified than having to put up with that! You can do it.

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Jb | 2005/11/21

What if one day he gets upset again and strangles you - will he be able to stop? And the the chances are good that he will then end his own life. I'm just saying..... because I've heard of this before. When men like this get upset they usually don't know what they are doing until it's too late.
Get out while you can.... Good luck!! :-)

Reply to Jb
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/21

yes, you need to leave... this man has serious problems and even though he might show some remorse for his behaviour he needs to get help... but you can't hang around waiting to be strangled while he does nothing to help himself.........
dont be threatened by his threats to kill himself... he is a manipulative abuser........ look after yourself!!

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