Our expert says:
The legal classification isn't so important as the psychological / emotional impact these events had on you. It is not your fault. Even if you were bunking off school, counsins and granfathers should never have had sex with you, and that they did, was THEIR fault and was criminal. These experiences seem to have led you into unusual and risky sexual practices, such as wanting a man to pretend to rape or strangle you, as though you were punishing yourself by repeating the earlier experiences.
And as you say, there may be an element of wanting to repeat the earlier ugly experiences, but this time with you in control. But these can be dangerous areas to get into with others. DO see a psychologist for a proper assessment and therapy, to set you free to enjoy ordinary sex without risks
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