Posted by: Shaynee | 2004/01/19

Do I leave this abusive relationship for something better?

I've been in a physical and emotional abusive relationship with my partner I live with for the last 4 years. He gets very aggressive, has grapped me by the throat, pushed me, and prevented me from leaving the house on several occasions. He's currently working overseas for 8 months. I recently became involved with one of our friends we've known for 3 years, and who's wife passed away a year ago. We have a wonderful relationship, and he's a kind, compassionate man, totally opposite to my partner. I feel safe and happy with him. He wants me to leave this man and come and stay with him and his two sons in another town. I've decided to do it, and realize its a good opportunity know that my abusive partner is away from home, but I feel guilty to walk out on him, and feel great responsability for his house and goods I'm looking after. My present relationship is dead with no love and care, yet I seem to be scared to go for something better. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Shaynee,
I have never yet discovered any good reason for remaining in an abusive relationship. And there is never ANY reason to feel guilty about leaving an abuser. Let his own family look after his house and goods, that's not your problem. Also, call a support group like POWA, which specifically helps and advises victims of abuse, for concrete advice about leaving, legal aspects, and so on.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Seh | 2004/01/20

I have just recently walked out on my relationship of 3 years, also an abusive relationship and it is the most wonderful feeling to be free. Yes there are times you feel guilty and you feel that the partner was right in what he said, but it is more often that the person who gave everything feels guilty about what the other person does. At the end of the day you dont need the abuse and you dont need to feel unworthy of love because you are a woman of worth and you need to pick up the pieces and move on. Get to know yourself again, love yourself you deserve it. The most important thing to know is that you need to stop feeling sorry for him, these people do these things to themselves and you need to put yourself first. Be grateful you dont have children with him, get out while you can!
you deserve the love and you deserve to be happy
Good Luck you know what you need to do!

Reply to Seh
Posted by: Paul | 2004/01/20

If he has pets, you should look after them until he returns, otherwise - turn off the lights on the way out. Relationships like this never improve - and you (unlike many others) had the brains and mosey to realise that you deserve more than this.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Soul | 2004/01/19


I agree. Get out while you can don't denie yourself the happiness you deserve and need, and you have someone offering you so much more. Go for it definately.

Doesn't he have any family members that can look after the house instead?
Even if not it's not your responsibility. He doesn't have the decency to treat you with respect or as a woman but he expects you to look after his home. You don't owe him anything go with your heart and have the happiness you always wanted don't let this jerk keep you back he surely doesn't deserve you.

I say go for it your life will be so much better.

Take Care

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Skapie | 2004/01/19

I would'nt stay in a abusive relationship.It can get worse.If he makes you happy go for it.

Reply to Skapie

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