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Question
Posted by: DesertRose | 2008/05/29

Do I have to beg for love?

I have been in a relationship for just over a year and we lived together for about 6 months (we also work together). Since Feb my partner started spending more and more time outside with his friends to the point where he was out 5 nights of 7. The more we fought about it, the more he went out. He complained that I was treating him like a child and that he didnt have the freedom to do things he likes like being with his friends. 2 weeks ago I got so fed up when he was late for our appointment again and I told him to leave. He moved back to his friends. We ahve talked a lot since and he admits that he had part in the break-up as well. He keeps telling me that he still loves me but he is not ready to move back with me. Since then I have to beg to spend time with me. He comes around most nights for an hour or two but while he is with me, I have to ask for hugs and affection. I told him that if he doesnt wnat me anymore he should tell me but he keeps saying he loves me and everything will get better. I am feeling so depressed and I battle to eat and sleep properly. I am so desperately looking for any sign from his side that his heart is still in this relationship, but I am just not feeling it. I cry myself to sleep every night and I just dont know what to do anymore. I am beginning to feel pathetic and desperate that I have to beg and force him to love me. Should I just stop asking him to spend time with me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course you shouldn't have to beg for love ; this guy sounds far too immature to form any serious relationship --- someone who has to go out partying with their friends 5 nights out of 7 is shallow and empty. It wasn't that you were treating him like a child, but that he was behaving like a child. How big of him to admit that he MIGHT have had a PART in the breakup ! It doesn't sound as if he has any idea of the meaning of love, or maybe not even the meaning of like. Stop begging ; stop asking him to spend time with you --- DUMP him. He's just not into you, and this is as good a description of a ead-end relationship as I've ever heard. If you have to beg for it, whatever you get is pity, not love.
Consider seeing a counsellor to work on your seriously low self-esteem. You deserve much, much better than this boy

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Our users say:
Posted by: DesertRose | 2008/05/29

Thank you for all the great advise. I suppose deep down I already knew the answers but when you feel very down and rejected, we try to cling to any hope. It of course doesn't help that I am in another country (Dubai - Middle East) without the support of my family. It gets pretty lonely but sooner or later I have to face the reality of being alone.
Thanks anyway for reminding me that I deserve better

Reply to DesertRose
Posted by: Joe Papa | 2008/05/29

"It is better to be born twise than to die twise".People are looking for lovers out there and you may be someonce lover. So why should you wast your presiouse time on someone who is not serious. Go out and you will see your guy who is raedy to gvie you his time,energy,money, care and most of all his love than beging for love.

Reply to Joe Papa
Posted by: suede | 2008/05/29

What r u waiting for girl, soon or later he will tell u that he impregnant a girl while u r still begging for a hug or affection, move on u will find somebody who will give all the kind of hugs u need. surely u r begging for love, shame where is ur pride

Reply to suede
Posted by: anon | 2008/05/29

Move on girlfriend...from wat u are saying his not worth all the trouble. If he loves you he would not have a problem showing affection to you. If it was me i show him exactly where the door is. He sounds selfish in a big way, and probably using you too, only when the need arises.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Sg | 2008/05/29

It appears to me that this guy is at a different "place" in your relationship to yourself.He has told you he is not ready to move in together,so you need to accept that.
On what you have indicated,he is not really "into" you ! If he had strong feelings for you he would not behave the way he does.I suggest that he is simply using you for his needs until someone else comes along.
It is quite simple really,if you are not happy/satisfied with what you are getting out of the relationship then you need to move on.

Reply to Sg

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