Posted by: sad | 2008/08/12

do i have any rights?

hi doc im stuck in a very sad situation im very depressed i know its impossible to change your parents but what do you do when you parents especially my mum is very overprotective and never understanding how do i follow my heart and what makes me happy when i know that if i choose a life with my boyfriend shes never gonna except and im gonna loosing her or my boyfriend i love them both very much but its hard for me to follow my heart coz i know im gonna loose one of them and i cant live with that.i only want to be happy and my boyfriend makes me extremly happy but i dont wanna loose my family i cant live without either one of them.what do i do i know that i need to build a life for myself but which way do i go all i want is happiness and my mum in my life but she would never agree.

sad sad me :(

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Our expert says:
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Well, s, generally, one learns how to manage one's parents. To enable mom to be reasonably over-protective without taking her excessive concerns too seriosuly, and gradually to convince her that you're fine and safe and competent. You don't mention how old you are, but until you are of the legal age of maturity, and independent in the sense of paying for and looking after yourself, its understandablwe that your parents might be bothered by some of the guys you might choose as a boyfriend. Explain to her, calmly, what you have said in your message here, and ask if she could arrange ( eg through FAMSA ) some family counselling sessions to try and sort all this out.

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Our users say:
Posted by: butterfly | 2008/08/13

hi sad

I know exactly how you feel its been like that for almost 3 years &  now we plan on marrying my parents &  his are gonna be very upset because we decided between ourselves what way we wanna be married &  I refused to go his way he agreed to get married my way. I assume you indian like me with indian mother its extremely hard to let go but in the past 3 years I have learnt I cant please everyone I need to please me I have come to a realisation that whatever happens in the future would be in Gods hands &  I pray that everything is for the best. My bf has flaws but I know we can make it. You need to take a stand as hard as it is speak out at the end of the day its your life &  you cant be sad all the time if you know this guy is right for you your mum will come around but she needs to know how unhappy she is making you. I wish you all the luck. God bless

Reply to butterfly
Posted by: sad | 2008/08/12

she doesnt like him because i think that she feels that his taking me away from her which is not true i try my best to spend as much time with her as possible but to her its never enuf and most of the time she just wants to fyt instead of spend time with boyfriend and i are also not the same religion an this is a problem for them but my bf and i have worked thru it and we making the relationship work. i dont understand her i made a great choice in life my bf has a great job he comes from a good family and he takes good care of me. i dont know what to do anymore

Reply to sad
Posted by: Me | 2008/08/12

Why does your mother not want to accept your bf? I' ve learned over the years and through a few relationships that usually your parents and friends, the people closest to you, opinions matter a lot, when we are in love, no matter how logical we think we' re thinking we can' t always see what is right in front of us. It' s a good idea therefore to take a good look at your relationship and try to identify any flaws/concerns. If there is none and you talk rationally (without screaming or arguing) to your mother about the situation and try to solve the problems together, your mother might be more acceptant of your bf if she realizes you do truly take her concerns to heart as well. Good luck, I hope you sort this out  )

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