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Question
Posted by: Sam | 2005/11/21

Do I give up?

My husband has been having an affair on and off for the last 6 years. She just never seems to go away. It has got to the stage where she speaks to me as if I was the mistress, thats how confident and brazen she has become. I want to teach her a lesson and would like to sue her, even if it doesn't sort out my problems, she may think twice when she gets involved with a married man again. I know my action will prob chace him away, but I think thats going to happen anyway, so what have I got to lose. Please any advise. I know its him I should be angry with him and I am.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, do consult a good lawyer and check out this posibility. I haven't frankly heard of such a case in SA law, but I do know that in some other countries legal systems one can sue for "alienation of affections " or something similar. Pleased to hear Jemma's example of someone who succeeded in this sort of action, which the law really ought to provide for.
As ... says, she is unlikely to be so brazen except that she feels completely confident --- which is HIS fault. And do consider a divorce, especially if a lawyer can ensure that it is costly for your husband, to free yourself and look for the happiness in life you so obviously deserve.
Jakes case may provide a fascinating example, of one of the disadvantages to the recognition of gay relationships which has otherwise seemed like a good idea to many.
Good luck, and keep us informed as to how things go !

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Our users say:
Posted by: A | 2005/11/21

Go see a good lawyer that specializes in divorce. You can sue her for a lot of money - do it for all the other women in your position. She deserves to be teached a lesson.

Reply to A
Posted by: Brown | 2005/11/21

Ur man clearly disrespects u. when u aready know that he is having an affair he still continues having this woman around. i hope u sleep on separete beds coz with all the diseases around us and his relationship with this woman on&off u guyz are bound to catch diseases.Think about ur health and whether this marriage is worth fighting for. and again don't stoop to this other woman's level keep ur head up and let her be low as she is. when she calls drop the phone and when u see her e-mails don't even bother opening them

Reply to Brown
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/11/21

hi girl

i can understand your to get back at her but you are tragetting the wrong person

your hubby is the one who is in need of a lesson
she gets her confidance from the fact that he treats you with disrespect - if he draw the line to safe your marraige and treat you with respect she will not be as brasen as she is

she is wrong but hubby is the one who knows you and made a promise to love and treasure you, he is the one who look you in the eye and lie to you, he is the one dreaming of her when making love to you ,,, HE INVITED HE TO BE PART OF YOUR MARRAIGE

take care of youraelf , with a hubby like that who needs enemies!

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Jakes | 2005/11/21

Recently for the first time in many years a court granted damages to an agrieved party - so yes it is possible. In my case I am going to sue the lesbian because in the new SA this is regarded as a "partner" and can be held liable. Not too worried about the compensation but if it is not a matter of record, anything I may say may be constituted as libel, and yes, the satisfaction that all is in the open.

Reply to Jakes
Posted by: Jemma | 2005/11/21

Luckily I have never gone through something like that but what I did hear was that my husband's colleague sued her husband's lover for breaking up their marriage and the court ruled in her favour (this mistress had to pay the colleague a huge sum of money and she walked away with everything after the divorce) and the court ruled that the husband and the mistress were not allowed to see or contact each other for a year. Can't remember why perhaps because they argued that they did not have an affair or something.

I really think you must go ahead with this. As you say, you have nothing to loose but this might just make you feel better.

Good luck.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: ... | 2005/11/21

is this man worth fighting for??... this woman doesn't get her brazen attitude from nowhere.... yes, this woman has caused you pain.... but even she was out of the picture would you ever trust your husband again?.... your husband is the person who made a vow to you... and disrespecting you... fighting with the other woman is going to tire you.... cost alot of money... and cause more tension between you and your husband....... if after six years this man can't stay faithful for you....... your best bet is to cut your losses... move on... and find someone out there who will treat you lots of love and respect.......... don't dwell on causing pain to those who have caused you pain because it just keeps you emotionally stuck...... get rid of HIM asap!!! Good luck!

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