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Question
Posted by: Mindful | 2004/10/27

Do I give him another chance?

Hi,

Can you guys please give some advice... Long story short - he hurt me. Kept on insisting that we stay friends, but it was more like friends with benefits and only when it suited him. I couldn't take the one-sidedness anymore. Eventually I told him exactly how much his behavior hurt(s) me. Now he's got a guilty conscience and is even more insistent on being friends. The more I try to tell him that there's too much history and vibes between us, the harder he tries. He was in tears last night on the phone. I hate that things have turned this way, but having walked that road twice from him, I'm not really keen on giving in. If we become "friends" again, I feel as though I'm saying it's ok to treat me the way he did. I just hate the bad feelings between us.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder what your best result would be, here ? To end the relationship with him altogether ? To agree to a continuing friendship, but on your terms and definition of friendship ? As straycat says, the "he hurt me" generally indicates a sound reason for ending it. His reaction in some ways confirms your view that the benefits to him arising from the arrangement were significant --- for him. Is it practical to get him to understand why treating you the way he did is unacceptable to you, and is it realistic to expect him to change in that regard ? If so, maybe a further trial of this new arrangement could be worth it. If not, it'd just be recycling unpleasant experiences, and not worth doing.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/10/27

Move on dear before you become "mindless" again .....

:-))

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: tez | 2004/10/27

i agree. make a break from this man, he obviously has no respect for what is best for you.
respect and love yourself and leave!
save yourself a bigger heartache in the future!

Reply to tez
Posted by: Q | 2004/10/27

You know, when people shere hystory togther in some romantic fashion it is hard to just be friends because every time you see him or her with someone else it brakes your hart. He does not whant to lose you and this is a way of holding on to the past but for you it is like putting you in jail and you cant be free because of this chain that connects you with him. Make the brake girl and let him find friends that are satisfied with this treatment. Make the brake and make it clean, it is impossible for people that sheared more than just friends to become friends in the true sence of the word. Dont become a slave to his emosions you desurve so much more!!!!!

Reply to Q
Posted by: straycat | 2004/10/27

sounds too convenient for him.. at your expense.. "he hurt you" end it move on.. put bad vibes behind you..

Reply to straycat
Posted by: Paul | 2004/10/27

I cannot agree with you more. People need to understand that being friends entails alot more than meets the eye, they must earn and deserve the right to be your friend. The tears are over spilt milk. Try and fill your life with people who add value to yours, rather than those parasitic people that keep you around incase they need something.

Reply to Paul

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