Posted by: Curious | 2005/11/29

Do gay relationships actually work ?

I am gay. So many of my friends are in and out of relationships, there is no one I can truly say is in a stable relationship, or are relationships hetrosexual included,. Its as if people get bored and are only concerened with the physical aspect and then move on. It so sad to see people never last in a reltionship, it makes scared and worried. I also see very emotional people in Gay relationships with so many issues that it makes me worried that I will become like that....why ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Curious and thanks for posting here. Thanks, Out and Proud :) and Deeve for responding.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Deeve | 2005/11/30

Place an add in one of the Gay online sites - but be VERY specific on wanting to make friends - and not looking for sex! You're in for a bumpy ride, but there are plenty of genuine couples/people out there. Some are just looking to meet others for sex - you need to sift them out.
Have fun, Cheers

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Douglas | 2005/11/30

Sorry Joe, not in Pretoria so can't help you meet other couples.

Reply to Douglas
Posted by: Joe | 2005/11/30

For Douglas: Me and my boyfriend is now 8 months together and really want to make new couple friends in PTA, SUGGESTIONS?

Reply to Joe
Posted by: Valklyrie | 2005/11/30

If I as a "strainght" could have the relationship that my nephew and his partner then I would believe heaven is a place on earth. They were secretly married in 1972 and I stayed with them for a year when I was in Pretoria. To see those to people respect, love, care and nurture each other is a blessing. Yes, gay relationships to work.

Reply to Valklyrie
Posted by: Sally | 2005/11/30

Do ANY relationships actually work? Look at the divorce rate.

Reply to Sally
Posted by: Douglas | 2005/11/30

Been in a relationship for 14 years, with a network of friends who are in stable and long-term relationships. You're mixing with a crowd who are single so you're not meeting long-term gay couples. But trust me, we're here - maybe not at the gay clubs and bars but we're definitely here. Good forum this everybody - keep it up.

Reply to Douglas
Posted by: Kirby | 2005/11/30

My g/f and I are together for 26 yrs and its still going strong. We believe in respect, lots of communication and love. You just need to find the right person. Dont give up!

Sorry Nicky, I accedently typed in the incorrect name. Message comes from Kirby!

Reply to Kirby
Posted by: nicky | 2005/11/30

My g/f and I are together for 26 yrs and its still going strong. We believe in respect, lots of communication and love. You just need to find the right person. Dont give up!

Reply to nicky
Posted by: Deeve | 2005/11/29

Hey man, of course they work! As Out and Proud mentioned - a relationship must be 100% from both sides - or it's "not on". I have a partner of 5 years, and most of my friends are in relationships of minimum 3.5 years, and best, two of nearly 15 years!! Yes, I also know guys who have a different fellow everytime I see them!! You obviously need lots of chemistry, and physical attraction to start with. One also has to remember that two male 'hunters', and both bread winners at that, are in for a stormy surprise, if they think that relationships are a walk in the park. With no kids, and other social bindings, it is real easy to walk at the flip of a coin. What does come to mind, is the amount of guys who have been single for some time, thus living in 'single' mode. When Mr prospective comes along, they have absolutely nowhere for him to fit into their little world, and then sadly complain about the miserable bugger, who was this or that !! Sharing, and wanting to share your life, your belongings, your time, your soul, your heart.....your everything, asking nothing, but automatically receiving the same in return. This will only happen when you meet someone on the same wavelength as you. You cannot always attempt to mould someone into your way of thinking - this always leads to resentment, and tormoil. Lastly - tons of communication.
I wish you luck with your journey..

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: OUT AND PROUD | 2005/11/29

I saved this message some time ago - a response from the expert:
I saved it to refer back to 'cause I am also of the perception that gay relationships are extremely fickle ...a sweeping genralisation I know ..but it is my reality that proveds me right! I am happy to share that I am in a relationship where both of us give 100% ..anything less's not worth it!

Posted by: Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Sure men are after sex - but that's certainly not all they're after. Most would also like to be in a relationship.

Meeting a compatible partner, in terms of values, interests, needs and general outlook on life, is not easy. Sadly many gay men seldom look below the surface and we fixate on what people look like. Most relationships commence on a sexual note, and often we don't stick around long enough to get to know the real person.

Very few relationships last "... for the rest of my life". Look at the divorce rate for straights. But same-sex relationships can last as long as, or longer than, straight relationships. We have additional challenges to our relationships - our parents, the media and society at large have coached us (sometimes wrongly) in the fundamentals of heterosexual relationships which are generally structured along gender (male/female) roles. We haven't been coached in same-sex relationship development. Same-sex relationships enjoy less support from others (we may not have approval or support from parents-in-law, or our neighbours or friends), and when difficulties arise in same-sex relationships we seldom have access to professional relationship counselling.

Anyone can be lonely, irrespective of age or sexual orientation. Develop and nurture a network of friends, follow your interests and most importantly, develop a good relationship with yourself. Be clear on what you're looking for in a partner without being too idealistic. You'll need to kiss a few frogs before you meet a prince but when you do meet him make sure you're able to recognise him.
Date: 7/8/2005


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