Posted by: Courage | 2009/05/12

Divorce?is it really such a shame???

Hi there. I really hope somebody can help. I am 289 years old and have been married for 3 yrs. I done everything for this man and he never appreciated it. 2 cut a long story short I started to luv myself &  started to do things that are important 2 me. I have a son of 10 yrs old (he is not the father). He is abusive emotionally and mentally and even sometimes physically 2 both me &  my son. I left him for 6 weeks which was such a gr8 experience finding myselfagain. He started calling and u no the promises. Went back. Its been 2 mnths &  it seems hes worse. The main problem is his mother as whenever he comes from her he is this animal like she is sticking him up or something. I can carry on with all the stories and tears. Everybody says I must divorce but I dont know why I am so scared. My son even wants me to leave him as he witnesssed all the evenings of tears and sadmess. I know that we cant carry on like this but I have spent such a number of years with him. Could someone please help. Am i being petty or what. There is also pressure on me for having kids by his mother and him and i dont want to. I am actually on the pill and he does not know...thank you for your time.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Courage,

as human beings we like what is familiar. This is why so many people live unfulfilled lives and remain in dysfunctional relationship because it is what they know and change is scary.
However you initiated change already and discovered how good it was, yet you went back because familiarity was somehow reassuring to you.
You are the designer of your life. You have a choice and it is your choices that will determine the quality of your experiences.
Make a list and compare your two experiences: with him and without him -
The other concern you need to urgently raise is his physical abuse to both your son and yourself. You owe it to both of you to be safe and this doesn't like a safe environment, let alone an environment to have another child with this man.
You must put your son's and your safety as a priority on your list. You have a right to be respected and be safe!

I wish you all the best


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Courage | 2009/05/20

Thank you for your reply miemie. It means alot. You are not the first person that is telling me to watch that movie, Fireproof. You are probably the 5th one. And it is all people that are close to me. You know he does things to make me happy and then I wish it could stay that way but then those " bad" times come again which totally washes away the good. There was even a time that I was attracted to another man and almost had an affair, like the people says in fireproof. I dont think I will ever be able to sleep with someone else, but this was a very emotional intimate relationship. Then I hate myself for feeling that way cause if he treated me well I would not be in this whole " love affair"  with this guy. It is still going on and I know that when a venue is there things are going to get more serious??? and I dont want that but I cant help it!!!affairs are wrong I know but when one is in such an " abusive"  relationship"  you cannot help but feeling good when another guy gives you that attention. And at the end the woman gets hurt again. I will keep praying to always try to do the right thing. Thank you!

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Posted by: MieMie | 2009/05/19

Hi there. I am actually in the same situation as you Courage. And I too find it so hard to say - its time to divorce. But one thing I have realised that my childs welbeing is more important than this whole thing. I have tried as well and I have all the reasons to say - I cant do this any longer. One thing my grandmother taught me is that... you will know when you' ve had enough. So if you still have doubts, then maybe there is still a chance. The thing is, is there still a chance for him to change... what makes you think he will change? Fireporrof movie is very good. if you can relate to it - then you may win... I still say, my husband will never change. we have been together 11 years this year, co-habitat for 4 years and married for 4... so I know exactly what you are going through. Another thing, dotn stop praying for him... God will somehow give you an answer. All the best and God Bless...

Reply to MieMie
Posted by: Courage | 2009/05/12

Sorry I am not 289 years old LOL I am 28!!!

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