Our expert says:
YOu say your own maerriage has deteriorated to the point that you find the idea of divorce to be acceptable --- but what of the marriage of this new man in your life ? Children need not be adverself affected by a divorce IF it is properly explained to them ( and its made clear that nothing that is happening is THEIR fault ) , and if the parents part amicably and without involving the kids in any conflict between the parents.
From your description, it sounds as though in fact your own mariage could be reparable, but that you actually don't want to do so, because you would rather be with this other man. It sounds as though you actually recognize that the problems within your own marriage are largely your own responsibility.
In fact you illustrate one of the dangers I see as associated with the whole "soul mate" myth --- you speak of your lover as the man you "ought" to be with --- as though simply nominating someone as a "soul mate" exampts you from the normal criticism of a married person who starts an affair with another married person. It doesn't. And you have convinced yourself that you "would be a better person" for leaving a husband who dearly loves you, for the possibility of an affair with a man who loves his wife who in turn loves him ? What am I missing here ? What about this would make you "better". I think you are romanticising and making excuses for the desire to have an affair, and trying hard to make it sound a romantic and heroic effort --- it isn't. YOu are constructing a web of dishonest martyrdom and excuses. I agree with John.
See a marriage counsellor with your husband, and work honestly to sincerely try to improve the loving marriage you already have. And if you care for this other guy, leave him to his loving wife.
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