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Posted by: Tango | 2007/12/18

Divorce recovery: Mars Vs Venus!

Hello CS

I do hope you are well. I am fine, the silly season is certainly keeping me busy with parties, shopping and the rest. My daughter flies up Sunday for a week from CT and then my little family is complete for a week. I cannot tell you how blessed I am!

Now the actual point of this mail is are there some fundemental differences in how men and woman experience, process and heal from divorce? A group of friends and I debated this at some length recently. Now we were discussing divorce in the context of infidelity.

Basically we decided that woman usually discuss their feelings with family / friends / therapist and could off load faster than men that put on a brave front. Do they then take longer to go through the process.

Woman usually have the children and that often prevents them finding another partner, men get lonely and will get involved much quicker with someone - we do not believe these first relationships - often before they are actually divorced - are for the right reasons. These reasons could be because they are lonely and if their spouce cheated on them they need to quickly affirm their sexuality / attractiveness to feel better. Almost like finding a quick fix to emotiuonal pain?

Woman who's husbands cheated some times go off men for a while - and then hit the dating scene with avengance!!

Its just our observations. Your opinion?

Have a blessed season!

Tango

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Tango ! Hope your Christmas is as delightful as it sounds --- and as you deserve !
Its actually not just about divorce / recovery --- men and women differ psychologically in many ways, some delightful some irritating. And generally men have difficulty in talking about their emotions, to anyone. And they still tend to be brought up with the "big boys don't cry" lie, and the combination is actually really bad for their health.
Men and women can ( agreed that where there are children involved the woman may find it more difficult ) get involved in rebound relationships which are actually really risky and often don't work out. They may, indeed, be seeking a quick fix for emotional pain, and instead find more pain.

And I tend to agree with Wound@ Man, that nowdays there are often more similarities between the way both sexes respond to these situations, than before, and one sees men taking what would traditionally have been seen as a womanly response, and vice versa. And I think this trend will extend, as nowadays so many young women are determinedly behaving like young men did in the bad old days. "Girl Power" is generally just Boy Power wearing a bra

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tango | 2007/12/19

Thanks Wound at Man for your valid comments!

Reply to Tango
Posted by: Wound@ Man | 2007/12/18

Tango,

I think there could be some element of truth is some of the observations that you make. However, I have further observed that women too these days seek to get involved quicker too for the similar reasons. It really does not matter that they have children with. They still find other women to substitute their role as mothers and go out jollying and in the process capture some men for one night stands. The connotations may be different as are the perceptions. For instance, it may be acceptable for (and to) men to change women (due to failing relationships or one nightstands) while totally unacceptable to and for women and may be referred to by negative names.

In conlusion, I would still say that in my observation, either a man or a woman, one must seek some counselling or therapy after divorce. This is not to say that you are not capable anymore. However, to acknowledge that you cannot come out of an abnormal situation or relationship normal. Divorces and phases preceeding to them are oftne characterised by abnormality and a lot of stresses and maybe abuse (negative vibrations). You therefore need to normalise after divorce. People, I have observed, deny this imprative; and walk around a wounded selves, in the shadow of their truest selves.

I thank you

Reply to Wound@ Man

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