Posted by: Stella | 2005/07/29

Divorce Proceedings - I want to get my groove back

could anyone advise me on how to get the divorce proceedings started? What is the process? Where to start? Who are the role players? Lawyers?

My husband and I will never get things worked out never ever. How do I do this. been putting my life on hold for 5 years hoping will sort things out. No.

Help, I am naive blondish on divorce matters.

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Posted by: SG | 2005/07/29

It is always cheaper and quicker if you and partner can agree on the various issues and not have to fight it out in court OR even backwards and forwards between lawyers.
Either way it then goes to court who finally dissolves the marriage.
If you have children,you have to calculate the cost of bringing them up,including school fees,medical,clothing,share of rental etc etc.The court will then ask you for your salary and his and divide the maintenance accordingly ie if the cost p.m. is R2000 and you earn R4000 and he earns R6000,he will pay 3/5 of R2000 and you 2/5 of R2000.
Pls don't ever take out your feelings for your ex via you children,they are innocent in this and generally need both parents.
Divorce is very traumatic,so relax as much as possible and be around friends and family.
Good luck.

Reply to SG
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/07/29

hi girl

glad my painfull experience could be of help to you

just remember 2 things
1. next year this time you'll feel better
2. never make decisions if you are emtional
3. take good care of yourself - you'll need all your wits and energy to keep things toggether


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Stella | 2005/07/29

This is the kind of advice I was looking for. I am so thankful to you lady nina.

I wonder if there is any divorce group in the Boland area?

Reply to Stella
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/07/29

hi there

i'm sorry that things have come to this ... divorce is no much more than just moving out and starting again.... it's letting go of a dream.... off values, hopes and love

firstly you have to discuss it with your hubby... let him know what you intent to do and ask him how he feels ... the cheapest will be if you guys can agree and work out a fair deal for both parties eg how the assets will be split up, cudtody for the kids and maintenance and visitation... if you can't agree on what is fair ( and in most cases you can't ) maybe you can go to a mediater and see if you can resolve issues... if that fails , each have to find a lawyer to represent you and fight the battle - this is always ugly and the only people who benefit is the lawyers bank manager
so it would be wise if you can work things out before hand

during this period you normally have 2 views
a. you are so fed up with the marriage that you don't want to fight for anything - you are prepared to walk away with nothing just to get things over - this could be good but once the divorce is final and you are emotionally stable, you can't go back and say "it's not enough" - most of the time you will lose more that what is fair
b. you want to get revenge and feel you need to be conpensated financially for the emotional pain you are going thru... this is also not wise, you end up fighting a losing battle and only harm yourself and worse you make the lawyers rich

the best i found was to separate and find a place where you can stabalize you emotions and start to think objectively and be realistic and fair not only to yourself but all parties involved

the best will also be for you two to reach some kind of agreement before going to a lawyer, that way he the divorce will be fast and cheap - but this doesn't happen very often
a divorce is a painful experience and you are emotioally unbalanced and not as objective as you need to be

if you have kids you will have to be wise... hubby will probalby be around for a long time and you have to build a healthy relasionship with each other for the kids ... they need both parents

where do you live? i went to a "divorce care" group and it helped a lot - i saw them being advertized in centurion again
i would recomment you join a support group


Reply to lady nina

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