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Question
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

DIVORCE OR NOT

I AM 26 , WIFE IS 43.
SHE HAS 3 CHILDREN .20,19,8
LATELY I WANT TO HAVE A WOMEN MY AGE OR YOUNGER.
WIFE IS NOT FINANCIALY WELL OF. I AM.
IF I LEAVE SHE WILL HAVE A HARD TIME COPING
SHOULD I DIVORCE OR NO?

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Our expert says:
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Nobody can advise based on such bald numbers ( it reads as though you run your emotional life like an accountant ! ) Its not at all clear why you chose in the first place to marry an older woman with children if you wanted a spouse of your own age. And you surely owe her much more than it sounds, and should not leave her in the lurch. She has not grown any more older than you since you maried her --- so the change has been within you, not her.
Don't be influenced by the fictions and ads in the emdia, none of wich bear any particular relationship with reality. You're not missing out on anything real or worthwhile. See a good local marriage counsellor together and sort this out. Learn from this experience, rather than flitting on to another from which you will become less likely to learn anything useful

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nia | 2007/03/28

Hi JB. To get a divorce or not should not be a function of the age of the partners, but on the quality of the relationship. If you love your wife and enjoy being with her and spending time with her, then stay with her. If you are not happy in the marriage and she is not willing to do her bit to make it better, then get a divorce. Nothing to do with age.

Funny how age suddenly becomes a factor when you talk about divorce, but when other same age couples get divorced other reasons are ok.

I was married to a very sexy man, my own age, and after our relationship worsen, I also did not have any sexual desires for him. Sexual desire has got very little to do with looks, but lots with emotions and what's in the mind. If you have a good relationship, you will also have sexual desires for each other.

Lastly, my current hubby was married to amuch older woman a long time ago. He felt pity for her and her kids and wanted to be there for her just like she was for him. The marriage lasted only 6 months, then he realised that it was too hard. His parents did warn him, but it is easy for others to talk if they are not living the life. He divorced her after 6 months and only met and got married to me 8 years later. Both of them are now happily married. Divorce does not mean the end of life. But do it for the right reasons. Age is not a reason.

Reply to Nia
Posted by: oldie too | 2007/03/28

what do think it's going to be like when she'd 60????

Reply to oldie too
Posted by: PINKIE | 2007/03/28

I SHOULD SAY YOU HAVE BEEN PATIENT WITH THIS WOMAN BUT YOU SAY SHE DOESNT WANT TO CHANGE HER BEHAVIOUR SO OBVIOUSLY ITS CLEAR ITS TIME TO MOVE ON SHE DOESNT GIVE A HOOT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS ,DITCH THE OLD B*TCH AND LIVE LIVE

Reply to PINKIE
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

I AM SERIOUS.I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS NOT SUPERFICIAL BUT REAL,A RELATIONSHIP THAT WERE ALL ENTITLED TO BUT MOST NEVER GET. WHEN I WAS GROWING UP I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD MARRY A WOMEN SO MUCH OLDER. I USE TO BE THE ONE WHO THOUGHT I WOULD BE WITH THIS PERFECT "HOT" GIRL, BUT THANK GOD I AM NOT.
THIS "HOT GIRL" ONLY EXISTS IN MOVIES.IN REAL LIFE THERE ARE STUFF LIKE DEATH, TAXES, MORTGAGES AND CRIME YOU KNOW AND IT AIN'T THE GOOD ONES WHO WINS AT THE END.LIFE CAN BE CRUEL IF YOU ARE LIVING AN "IDEAL WORLD" FRAME OF MIND.IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP JUST FOR MONEY,SEX OR POWER(THAT IS TO HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR SPOUSE OR BEING ABLE TO MANIPULATE YOUR SPOUSE) YOU ARE IN A DEAD DARK PLACE.IF YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED WHERE YOU ARE AT MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE ALWAYS REMEMBER CHANGING OTHERS WON'T HELP BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT BEEN GIVEN THIS POWER. CHANGE YOURSELF AND THE WORLD AROUND YOU WILL ALSO CHANGE.

Reply to JB
Posted by: RMC | 2007/03/28

Thanks JB - I am happily married. We say divorce is never an option but we were never told murder wasn't.....

Reply to RMC
Posted by: Dove | 2007/03/28

Are you serious or is this a hoax again

Reply to Dove
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

THANK YOU RMC

TODAY I THOUGHT I SHOULD FIND OUT WHAT COMMON BELIEFS AND ATTITUDES THERE ARE TOWARDS YOUNG MEN AND OLDER WOMEN.THE RESULT WAS WELL WHAT I EXPECTED, SOME REACTED WITH THE ATTITUDE THAT IT IS BASICALLY NOT GOOD AND OTHER REACTED BADLY WHEN I EVEN MADE THE SUBJECT ABOUT DIVORCE. MY ONLY OPINION IS THAT SOME OF THE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN HURT IN PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR MARRIAGES AND THAT OTHER PEOPLE JUST THINK THAT MARRIAGE IS A JOKE. I THANK YOU ALL FOR PARTICIPATING AND WOULD LIKE TO TELL YOU THE REALITY: I AM MARRIED TO A 43 YEAR OLD WOMEN, WHO WAS BADLY HURT BY HER PREVIOUS HUSBAND.WHEN WE MET EACH OTHER I HAD A MAJOR DEPRESSION CYCLE AND SHE WAS THERE FOR ME ALWAYS. SHE SUFFERED FINANCIALLY AND WAS NOT ON GOOD TERMS WITH HER MOTHER AND SISTER.I WENT INTO A RELATIONSHIP THAT I THOUGHT WAS JUST TEMPORARY, BUT I LEARNED SO MUCH MORE.I WAS BLOWN AWAY AT HOW HER CHILDREN REACTED TOWARDS ME WHEN I WAS GIVING THEIR MOTHER THE LOVE THAT SHE DESERVED.TOTAL ACCEPTANCE WAS GIVEN TO ME. WE HAVE HAD MUCH OBSTACLES AND HAVE OVERCOME ALL OF THEM.I AM REALLY GLAD THAT I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE MYSELF WITH MY SPOUSE AND THAT SHE CAN BE THE SAME IN MY PRESENCE.PEOPLE DO NOT REACT GOOD TO THIS YOUNGER MEN OLDER WOMEN THING, AND THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO BECAUSE THEY ARE RULED BY THEIR SMALL BELIEF SYSTEMS.RMC I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPILY MARRIED AND IF YOU HAVE BEEN BURNED I THINK YOU ARE A LADY WORTH A MILLION

Reply to JB
Posted by: RMC | 2007/03/28

ah, you married her as you thought you were going to get lots of sex. Sorry chap, but the peak for women is around 38 - then everything goes for a loop.

And oh boohoo- you're the one with clinical depression. Screw that for trying to put us on a guilt trip. But going by your description she really does sound depressed - and guess what, youve been blessed enough to be treated for it - has she been given the same opportunity?

Around 40ies a lot of women lose the ability to bear children, they feel bad because of this. Plus hormones start to give out, so they feel depresed about it. Plus the lack of hormones make them depressed. Plus she knows that she is not young any more and probably wishes that she could be young and "pretty" for you.

She will probably look at your friends that are female and the same age as you and wish she could be like them

Don't "expect" anything - dont expect her to act to feel a certain way, we are all different.

Reply to RMC
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/03/28

JB - I ca't tell you what to do, but you should have thought about it before you got married to an older woman! If you had any brains you would know that you'll still be young when she will look and act really old! Maybe she's just more mature than you and now you're at that stage where you want different women etc etc

Talk to her about this and ask her what she wants, maybe she also doesn't want you anymore!!!!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

Nip Nip
Are you young & pretty

Reply to JB
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

YES I DO HAVE SEXUAL PROBLEMS I HAVE SEX ALMOST ONCE EVERY 2 OR 3 MONTHS.
WHY?AT THIS AGE? WOMEN ARE AT THEIR PEAK AREN'T THEY?

Reply to JB
Posted by: Candy | 2007/03/28

THIS is why I do not see young guys. They are so immature. I think he married his 'mother' and now he realises he has sexual problems. Your step children are almost your age.

Your life is going to be very interesting for a while.

Reply to Candy
Posted by: Nip-nip | 2007/03/28

Are you fantasizing JB? somehow it doesn't sound true.
or
are you bored maybe just feel like chatting

Reply to Nip-nip
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

RMC

ACTUALLY I AM THE ONE WITH CLINICAL DEPRESSION, WAS HOSPITALIZED 3 TIMES.
SO MY MED'S TAKE AWAY ALOT OF MY DESIRE FOR SEX.
IF YOU CAN EXPLAIN TO ME MORE ABOUT WHAT WOMEN GO THROUGH IN THEIR 40'S I CAN BE MORE INFORMED AND TREAT HER DIFFERENTLY AND EXPECT CERTAIN STUFF.

Reply to JB
Posted by: Gloomer | 2007/03/28

Hey Candy, give him your number! And give him a whack on the earhole when he gets there

Reply to Gloomer
Posted by: RMC | 2007/03/28

Ever heard of menopause? When women are that age they hit it as all their woman hormones go for a loop, they lose the ability to bear children and most of them go through mega depression. Have you considered this or are you so focused on yourself it is all her fault?

Reply to RMC
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

EASY WITH THE HARSH COMMENTS. THE REASON WHY I GOT MARRIED TO HER WAS BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT WE USE TO GET ALONG QUITE GOOD. NOW SHE ONLY WATCHES TV AND SHE DOES ONLY WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO. SHE IS DRAINING ME. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS YOU KNOW. THE THING IS THAT SHE DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE HER BEHAVOUR

Reply to JB
Posted by: RMC | 2007/03/28

My goodness 26 going on 6! So now all of a sudden you want a little girl that can be your poppie!

You are freaking selfish. You made your bed now lie in it!

Reply to RMC
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

THAT IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM. THERE IS NO BEDROOM IN THIS MARIAGE.I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY.HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH.MY WORRY IS AM I LEAVING THE GREEN GRASS TO GO AND LAY IN MUD, OR THE OPPOSITE
NO SEX IS KILLING THIS RELATIONSHIP AS WELL AS WE DO NOT HAVE COMMON INTERESTS

Reply to JB
Posted by: Vaughn | 2007/03/28

Are you married in community of property? If you don't have an ante-nuptial contract, she is entitled to half of what you own and you will have to support her in the style she is accustomed to. You also have a moral obligation to her. You can also try and work something out while staying married. Do you still have a sexual relationship? If things have died in the bedroom, you can agree to stay married but have encounters/relationships with other people. There are many options!

Reply to Vaughn
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

THAT IS TRUE. I AM HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AND DRAINING MONTH.YOU SEE THE THING IS I DO LOVE HER, VERY MUCH, BUT I AM SO CONFUSED, LATELY ALL I SEE IS THIS MEN WITH YOUNG PRETTY LADIES AND YOUNG WOMEN IN MAGAZINE'S AND ON TV, AM I MISSING OUT OR IS BEAUTY REALLY MEASURED ON THE INSIDE. THAT IS WHAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT. BUT LATELY I HAVE HAD THIS DESIRE TO BE WITH A BEATIFUL YOUNG WOMEN AND I AM NOT FINDING MY WIFE SO DESIRABLE. I THINK IT IS JUST A PHASE.
BECAUSE I PERSONALLY KNOW THAT HOPPING FROM ONE RELATIONSHIP TO ANOTHER IS NEVER THE ANSWER.I JUST WANT TO KNOW IS THIS NORMAL TO FEEL UNATRACTED TO YOUR PARTNER OR IS IT LUST TAKING OVER.PLEASE GIVE GOOD ADVICE DEE

Reply to JB
Posted by: Dee | 2007/03/28

You mamma/ father should have let you know what you get yourself in.

Now that you know, just stay there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You'll only cause some one elses daugther some misery.

Reply to Dee
Posted by: JB | 2007/03/28

DID NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO

Reply to JB
Posted by: Dee | 2007/03/28

Why did you get married in the first place.

Marriage is taken to lighty these days.

You knew she is 43 when you got married, knew about all the baggage.

Why change of heart now???????????????????

Reply to Dee

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