Posted by: lil | 2011/04/19

Divorce Mediation?

Hi there please send me more info on Divorce Mediation. How does it work and where do i go from here? I am looking for other options instead of ''going through a conventional divorce process that costs a lot of money, emotions etc" . Please help. My dad is married to a woman for more than 10years now, i suspect that she has either a severe type of depression or chemical imbalance or bipolar...not sure but i am scared for my dads life. Im scared that she might snap and do something horrible. They are married in Community of Property so all the lawyers are telling him that he will have to give half of everything including his pension which is not a lot, to divorce her. She is otherwise healthy and not suppose to sit at home like she does...She think she''s a ''queen'' and everyone around her is mad. They dont even sleep in the same room anymore, they have separate rooms. There has been cases where domestic violence happened, she is a lot longer and bigger than him and once she broke his thumb in a fight. He tried and tried to get help from a lawyer but everyone tells him the same. Im not sure how mediation works but if there is another way that we can go around this and show that my dad''s life is in jeopardy (i feel), wont there be a way that he can get out of it without giving her everything he has. He suffered a stroke about two years ago because of stress at work and stress at home with her...and im not sure how long he will be able to keep on going. I want just the best for him and need him to be healthy and have a happy life - but i cant for the life of me think that there is no fair way out of this just because if was ''cool'' to ''marry into community of Property'' 10 to 20 years ago. Its 2011 and everyone is more knowledgeable now, i for one have married Out of Community of Property, without the accrual system because of crap like this later in your life. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Divorce Mediation is a voluntary process where the parties involved are guided towards focusing on a solution as opposed to focusing on a problem as in litigation.
The lawyers are correct about the equal division of assets when married in community of property.
If you are concerned for your father's well being you must report it to the police with supporting evidence.


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: FIO | 2011/04/26

When divorce involves children the CHildren''s Act says mediation is a requirement before litigation if there are any disputes regarding the children.

However, in a " normal"  divorce this is not the case. BUt having said this, there is legislation currently under review whihc was expected to be passed this month that would make it a reqirement for all divorces to first attempt mediation before any form of litigation is sought. Divorces will still have to go through the courts, but if there are any disputes they will have to go for mediation before litigation.

The problem with going through divorce attorneys is that usually they instigate conflict as thats how they make their money (not all attorneys).Mediation aims to resolve conflict and find solutions as quickly as possible through promoting co-operation by educating parties onthe benefits of co-operation as opposed to the cons of litigation.

As said above, he cannot escape the realities of being married ICOP - shared assets, including debt, from both sides.

Also, reagrding concern for well-being, if thbis is truly the case then he can apply for a Protection Order by approaching local Magistrates Court with an application, and supplying suporting documents, affidavits and evidence.

If he wants, he should file for divorce through an attorney, and then immediately request mediation as an alternative to litigation if there are any disputes. In fact, even without disputes, he can ask her to go for mediation, and through mediation draft a setlement agreement, sign it, and have attorneys file it. Dont let attorneys change settlement, as they normally do this to incite conflict again and make money. I know I am slamming attorneys here, but sadly the majority of them ruin the reputation of them all.

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