Posted by: mom | 2008/07/15

divorce loss

Now it is my turn. I am groveling at the moment making myself look like a pathetic person with no life.
I made my life revolve around my family, i have no close friends, don’t go out, everything was about family,husband and children, and now i losed my husband. We’ve been together for 9 years and the 2 children 10 years and 3 years. I don’t know who is the saddest, me or them.
I cannot accept the fact that he left, we had problems like him working late, being on mixit and spending too much time with his younger friends, but nothing serious or so i thought, now he says that we drifted apart, and i don’t share the same view, i still love him.

I feel like a failure, like i couldn’t look after my husband and caused my children all this pain and suffering. We had problems with him not talking to me, and i think this caused this mess, him leaving me with tyhe kids and feeliing that he don’t have to answer me or owe me anything. I can have the house, an allowance everything he just wnat to go.
I keep on bugging him daily asking him for answers and to come back and all i am getting is a man i don’t know, for the 1st time swearing at me and brushing me off. I am in so much pain, i can’t say my surname or his name. I am not depressed though, just terrribly sad and rejected.
Not even the fact that i already had 2 guys interested in my(i have a lovely personality, ha ha) can make me feel better.I had hopes and dreams and it was with this one man. Can u help me? What steps can i apply do help me?

How do i help my 10 year old son who don’t want to discuss it ?

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Our expert says:
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Dont blame yourself for this --- you clearly did your best, and your husband seems to have made no attempt to fix things ( such as through marriage counselling, etc ). Do see a counsellor to help you get through this difficult stage more productively and comfortably.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: mom | 2008/07/16

thank you for the promt reply. I am not seeing anyone at the moment because of financial issues, but i am hoping to do that soon, as the pain and suffering can be unbearable at atages, and i don;t want/like that feelings, he don't want me near him or speak to me, so i MUST go on.
I blame myself because my husband don't feel i deserve to know why exactly he is leaving, but ia am working on it.I can't sleep, i cant laugh and enjoy life, i am bitter,and sad. Mo matter how much i cry and think,nothing happens, he is stil gone, and i want to stop, because it is keeping behind.
i appreciate the fact that you listened and advice,thank you.

Reply to mom
Posted by: joanne | 2008/07/15

i am divorced and also had my heart broken and my dreams of this perfect life shattered and the only advice i can offer is that you find yourself, find out what makes you happy and realise that no man or women can complete you. sometimes partners just dont want to be in a relationship anymore (most often than not there is another person) which means there were other people all along. you will find happiness you find someone who treats you better and who wants you for you and you will be okay. you just need to know that you are worth more than he/she can offer. you have to know that you deserve the best. although everything is gloomy right now i promise you that there is light and there is happiness it just takes time, how much time you ask, there is no specific time. it took me over a year to realise that he was the insecure person he was the incomplete person and that he thought the grass was greener, needless to say when my life became on track he wanted me back and then i was strong enough to know that my options were much better in my life without him, give yourself time and also stop asking him where what how, show him you dont care, show him he can do what he wants and so can you. although you have had people interested in you it is not the right time because only with time will you open yourself up to the another person again. for children it is hard but they too will be fine, if you see your child battling take him for counselling, they are professionals and know how to help a child and anyone for that matter to get through a difficult time like this. take each day as it comes, and deal with lifes happenings when they happen and soon one foot in front of the other you will realise that you can walk perfectly fine all by yourself.

Reply to joanne
Posted by: ME2 | 2008/07/15

I'm a guy, and I know how you feel. Going throught the exact same thing. I have a big part to it, but is willing to sort it out. She isn't. Life can be so cruell!

Reply to ME2

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