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Question
Posted by: hubbie | 2006/04/09

Divorce bliss

Doc, I have moved out(on her insistance as according to her"SHE WAS BEING EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY ME")
Her business deals have left me up to date R1.8m out of pocket.
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Our child who has had a major operation to fix his legs is getting very overweight(his mother has a severe obese problem). I feel this is the same as child abuse as his friends mock him. When I try and get involved she makes life difficult. According to her I am an unbalanced ugly freak with no right to live.This afternoon I want to go and visit him and play cricket with him. Now she says an ex-employee of mine and his wife took him to go and play in the park the whole afternoon.I do not trust these people - they drink excessively etc.
My experience of the law is that it does not sympathise with the father of a child. Last night I phoned her and asked her why I cannot have more control of our child-he surely has the right to see my type of life as well.The end result - she screamed at the child telling him I say he is fat and must stop eating so many sweets and slammed the phone down.
Her income is R50 000 nett monthly from a shopping centre I gave her(as pocket money). I give her at least R20 000 monthly despite having moved out. This still is not enough.
I am guilt ridden as I am trying to cope between providing financially and to be some sort of father to this child. She is making it extremely difficult. I do not know what to do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello hubbie,
I suspect many people would welcome your sort of "emotional; abuse" for R 1.8 m. It sounds unfortunate if your son, while working on his other problems, has been encouraged into obestiy by her bad eating habits. Is this position, in which she limits your acces to the child, etc., one that has been laid down by a court, or by her ? If its not a legally binding agreement, maybe you need good legal advice to get a better agreement set up --- and I think the law is supposed to have become far more sympathetic to a father's right to access to his child. Obviously your ability to contribute directly and usefully to your child's life is maximal in the times he spends with you --- can't he spend some weekends and holidays with you ? How much all the money she receives goes towards benefitting the child, and how much towards her own pleasures, is unclear.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Better wife | 2006/04/10

Hi hubbie, she sounds very ungrateful for everything that you have and are continuing doing for her. You know what they say, you will never know what you got until its gone.

You need someone who can give you all the attention you need and to listen to you without jugding you. Someone to take you for coffee so you can just relax for that 45 minutes.

Hang in there...

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