Posted by: M | 2008/01/24

Divorce and young child

I am currently separated and proceeding with a divorce. I am really concerned about my son and the impact this has had on him. What steps can I take to make things easier on him. He is 4yrs old and does not understand the situation. Stays with his mother and i only see him on the weekend and speak to him on the phone during the week,<br>my ex wife is not reasonable and trying to talk to her about our son normally end up with her trying to blame me for the entire situation and does not want to accept that she was also a reason for the seperation and divorce. <br><br>Any advise will be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Separation and divorce is rarely entirely the fault of one member of the couple, but often someone really wants to avoid facing any contribution they made to the situation, and to solely blame the other partner. However, your primary question is about the child. It is sad if your wife doesn't place his interests first, and she should be invited to recognize that it doesn't matter whose "fault" this was, it's a situation in which you both need to work together to minimize the distress caused to him, and to keep any adult squabbles for times and places outside of his hearing. Most kids seem to cope with separation an divorce better than one might expect, but need a calm atmosphere, and an explanation within terms they can understand, and consistent emotional support from both parents. Remind her pleasantly, that while you can divorce each other, neither of you divorce the child. Be open to any questions he may have.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2008/01/25

Maybe post to the Divorce Support forum as well, there are many people in similar situation who might be able to give advice.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: C | 2008/01/25

Hi, your situation is slightly different from my situation, but I feel I can relate to situation. I have an 4 year old son and me and my husband was legally divorced when my son was almost 2 years old. I can definitely relate to your wife. Give her time she will eventually do what is best for your child.

Reply to C
Posted by: Sue | 2008/01/24

You have to explain to your son that its not his fault that mommy and daddy are no longer together and that you still love him and so does his mom and you must ensure that you are an interested father and always keep in contact with him and always see him etc

Reply to Sue

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