Posted by: Nana | 2008/09/29

Divorce after child has been molested

Hi there

I need to know if I am doing the right thing, I filed for divorce because my husband' s nephew molested our daughter and he failed to do anything about it, I took her for counselling and because it was such a delicate issue, we decided not to press charges, yet I know he never confronted his nephew let alone asked his nephew' s guardian (his aunt) to help him get counseling. (as how my daughter' s therapisr requested)he takes our kids to the same house now and then without my knowledge. I feel that his nephew will do it again and him allowing our daughter to be in the nephew' s presence has put great concern in my mind...I don' t know if he had been molested as well, why does he want to make me out to be the bad one...!isn' t he suppose to protect his child first...this whole situation has become my most biggest nightmare.please help

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Our expert says:
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Its had to judge, from this distance, whether it was wise not to press charges -- at least one should have taken steps to be sure the authorities were aware of this man's activities and his continuing risk to children. I would think that child welfare, and any intelligent magistrate, would take an extremely dim view both of his irresponsible failure to take steps to p[rotect the child and other children from his predatory relative, and of him ever again exposing her to this same individual. In any divorce hearing or later custody hearing, these facts ought to be disclosed to the court and should either bar him from acces to the child, or make such contacts only subject to supervision and to absoolutely ban any visits to where the predator lives.
To protect his relative more than his child, is unjustifiable and unacceptable.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nana | 2008/09/30

Thank you for the advice, Anon and Bokkie, talking has helped me a great deal and for the first time, I feel at ease with my decision. And yes I know my husband has failed me, accepting it, is the difficult thing now for me...I know that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel...Thanks and God bless.

Reply to Nana
Posted by: Bokkie. | 2008/09/30

I wish I could have been removed from my abuser when I was a child. How much damage has he done! You should speak to a lawyer about what to do next. It' s important for the mental health of your child!

Reply to Bokkie.
Posted by: Anon | 2008/09/30

Your husband needs his head read! I would probably physically harm anyone who did what he is doing to your daughter. You are right to leave him - if he cannot protect his own child he does not deserve to be a parent. Make sure you get the visits strictly supervised.

Dont feel lousy. You are being a good mother.

Good Luck.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Nana | 2008/09/29

I have done so in the divorce papers, so for now I am just awaiting that court date...Thanks for the advice...much much appreciated...I am not feeling lousy anymore.

Reply to Nana
Posted by: mOM | 2008/09/29

I think if it has seriously affected your trust in your husband and your marriage, then youre probably doing the right thing to get out of the marriage because if you feel your husband should have acted and he didnt, it will affect everything including your trust in him to protect your family. However, divorcing him will not stop the fact that he will have rights to take his daughter for visitation and then what will stop him from taking her right back to that house where the nephew lives or even leaving her there and going. You had better file for supervised parental visits if youre going to go through with the divorce, for the protection of your daughter, see a lwayer and find out what your rights are in this regard.

Reply to mOM

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