Posted by: Disturbed | 2008/10/03

Disturbing revelation at counsellsession

Hi, boyfriend and I are attending couples counselling. Reason being he was emotionally distant to the point that I suspected he was cheating, there is a baby on the way, and prior to pregnancy we had talked about the issue of marriage. By the way it was also an effort to get him to agree to counselling. At 2nd session, he mentioned that he doubted that I had the qualities of being his wife and as such he is unsure about our future. I wept and he told the shrink that' s why he is doesnt want to be completely honest with me because I tend to over react. Now my problem is that since pregnancy, he has been very different and when he said that I thought that he had somehow met someone who suddenly meets his standards and as such wanted a way of getting rid of me. Later in the evening, after being extra polite with each other the entire time, I brought up the issue and he said that he doesnt appreciate that I have to discuss what happens during sessions at the time when he is supposed to be enjoying himself and he just left. Was I wrong to want to deal with the matter there and there. I didnt bring it up in a confrontational manner but thought the time was ideal. Anyway if something that you dont appreciate or which is hurtful is said at the session, are we supposed to wait for the next session before I can air my hurt and views. For example our next session is in 2 weeks time, should I just bury this pain and wait till then because this is what he is suggesting. It is just that I just cant keep on enjoying his company for the next two weeks if I know he has doubts about us and he doesnt even want to confirm anything to me. How do I deal? I know the shrink said this is a process but I' m at a point where I want to call it quits.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not at all wrong to want to work between sessions on issues that emerge during a session, though it's also wise to time this carefully, so as to also allow some relaxation rather than promoting a relentlessly grim atmosphere. He sounds rather immature and maybe not yet really ready for pime time in relationships. Don;t over-react to the revelation that he has some doubts about the relationship --- you suspected this before the session, and you lived with it then. Don't give up so soon or so easily, and discuss this specific issue of how to handle your reactions to the sessions, in your next session

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Our users say:
Posted by: LP | 2008/10/04

Shame girl, you are pregnant with his baby and you need emotional support and stability! Not someone who obviously doesn' t know what he wants. You probably know this and may try to avoid it - but he doesn' t sound ready to settle down. You need to consider your options if he decides to tell you that.

Reply to LP
Posted by: Vegan | 2008/10/03

Dear Disturbed

What an awful time for him to be emotionally distant. You were not overreacting to his comment - I would have wept too. He owes you answers, and fast!

Reply to Vegan

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