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Question
Posted by: deedee | 2008/02/01

Disturbed by pics of son

My son is 16. When he wasn't home, I found his camera in his room, and looked through the pictures. I found erect penis pictures on the camera. I'm pretty sure it's him. But what if it's not? How do I find out if it's him or someone else? I couldn't find anything in his room to suggest he's gay. But he's never had a girlfriend. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi there,

firtstly looking through your sons phone is not okay - it is an invasion of his privacy. I know this probably comes from a place of care, but at 16 he is entitled to some privacy and if you cannot give it, it is likely to cause major problems between you.

Whether the picture is of him or not this is part of his privacy you need to respect. If he is gay or questioning his sexuality this will not change by you trying to find out or intervene. The comments made on this forum about people only knowing if they are gay at 18 is I am afraid utter nonsense. It differs for each person and some people are very sure of their sexuality form a young age.

Whether he is gay or not you need to think about your acceptance of him, and that is about you searching inside of yourself, not in his room or on his cellphone.

I am sure this comes from a place of love and concern, but please consider that boundaries between parents and children need to change as they get older. If they don't it causes a lot of tension that can be avoided.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just Me | 2008/02/07

Deedee,
I'm not sure who is more disturbed...you or me! Why in heavens name would you as an adult, sift through your sons private things if you have given him the right upbringing????
Having sexual pics these days, except if it is child porn, is NOT a crime, and is available anywhere. Your son is definitely NOT abnormal, or showing signs of being gay...and if he is gay, then deal with it lady! Relax...and leave the fellow alone. Looks like he's gonna get his sexual info from his friends...not you! What should you do.....I guess - back off!!

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: some girl | 2008/02/06

Deedee, don't stress it - i think guys never out grow the "i like the look of it" thing. a friend of mine's boyfriend is 30ish and has stacks of pics of himself on his cell....

Reply to some girl
Posted by: Why | 2008/02/05

What I dont understand is becuase he took these pics he is gay. WHay must it always be GAY?

Reply to Why
Posted by: Eric | 2008/02/02

Deedee,

Your son took photos of his own erect penis because he loves the looks of it. He is as proud as a pea -|- . A boy of 16 cannot yet be classified as gay. Gay behaviour is only clearly demonstrated at 18 to 25. Boys aged 12 - 14 even measure each others penises and masturbate together. They find their newly aqcuired sexual awareness most exciting.

Another issue to ponder about: Many women are nowadays exposing their breasts with daring cleaveages in their clothing. Does such behaviour render all of them to be lesbians?

Your son at least does not walk around with his tool hanging out of his open zip. Is there really much difference between exposing breasts and exposing a penis?

Reply to Eric
Posted by: feet | 2008/02/01

I agree with Stallion. Leave him be, he is 16 years old. Think back what you did when you were 16. He will NEVER trust you again if he finds you snooping around in his stuff.

Reply to feet
Posted by: STALLION | 2008/02/01

I believe that you should stop worrying about this issue. If your son of 16 took photos of his own erect penis, regard it as a positive event. Remember that just a few years ago his penis was just 2 inches long. He is still adjusting to this most wonderful and beautiful tool that he has acquired and is providing him so much pleasure. Boys of his age will admire their tools as often as possible, in front of the mirror when they change their clothes, in the shower, bath and toilet. It is perfectly normal to find him sleeping with a hand tucked into his pants. Your son is as proud of his tool as you are of your breasts.

Allow him his privacy. Never enter his bedroom without knocking and allowing him to get his pants on. He may even be masturbating up to 5 times a day. His testerone levels are building up to a peak.

And please, do not peak into his camera again ! You are playing with fire and you can do irreparable harm to your trusting relationship with him. Do not expect him to be a model son in all respects. Love him and give him all the support that he deserves.

You should also talk to your husband about the sexual developments that you are observing in your son. Your husband was a 16 year old boy also at a stage. He will most probably be able to put your mind at peace regarding much that you currently feel unconfortable about.

Reply to STALLION

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