Posted by: KL | 2003/03/03


I recently found out that my boyfriend of 2 years was emotionally involved with someone else for a few months. He says he was distracted by her, that he didn't love her, but was curios what it would be like to with someone else. Hw says he never intended to get involved, and that he always knew where he belonged, but found himself getting more and more involved with this other person. This never got physical, but that does not make it any easier on me.
I need to know if it's possible to find other sexes interesting just out of the blue. We don't have any major problem. We've been arguing a lot in teh past months because I was busy with my exams, and he was complaining about this and that, but nothing groundbreaking.
He wants us to give this another try. I'm not sure if can trust him. He is a trustworthy person under normal circumstances, so it's hard for me to get past the fact that I never once imagined this could be happening. I was aware that he was emotionally distant, but never though it could be because he aws confinding in someone else.
What does one do in such a sitiation. Give him the benefit of the doubt, or move on. The first time someone wrongs you, you're a victim. The second time, you're a volunteer. I don't want to be a volunteer, but I know he loves me.
Should we go for counseling?
I'd appreciate any words of wisdom.

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Our expert says:
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KL, the answer depends basically on what else you know and feel about him. Wouldn't counselling be a good option ? I'm not completely convinced by the "I just got to know this other girl, because I was crious about what it would be like." He might be curious about what it might be like to jump off a cliff, but he'd be a fool if he jumped, just to find out.
If you've found him to be trustworthy so far, apart from this one blemish to his record, if he seems sincere, and fond of you, and you are fond of him --- why not use counseling as a chance to understand each other better ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: bear | 2003/03/04

Only a pleasure !!!
Quote: New Beginnings
You never know when someone will catch a dream from you. You never know when that little word or something you do
Opens the windows of the mind that seeks the light. The way you live doesn't matter at all.... but it might.
So just in case, it could be that another 's life through you might possibly change for the better, with a broader and brighter view.
It seems it might be worth a try at pointing the way to the right.....of course it may not matter at all...... but you never know it might.

Regards B.
Do you have a email address ?

Reply to bear
Posted by: KL | 2003/03/04

Yes, I can feel it. What you've said is so true. I will take up your advise and try not be too suspicious of his every move. I know it's very easy to get carried away by that! I'm going to give this a try, and do my best to help us through this rut. And I won't hang this over his head for eternity!
I really appreciate the time you took to offer your advise. It means a lot to me, especially since you've been there, done that. It helps to know that I'm not alone.

Thank you again,

Reply to KL
Posted by: bear | 2003/03/04

Hi there!
Its difficult I must admit but I try not to jump to conclusions or smother him by insisting to be with him all the time
Find something else to keep you occupied when his not around...But don't cross question him ..
Ive found that writing really helps put things in perspective (so get a scrap book)
and be patient ... if he loves you, you will know !!
you can feel it cant you?

Reply to bear
Posted by: KL | 2003/03/04

Thank you Doc and Bear. I appreciate your insights. Bear, your story gives me a glimmer of hope, because I do still love him, I just wanted to know if I'd be making the biggest mistake of my life if I take him back. No one can answer that except for me. So I will seek counselling(don't even know where to start), try and not obsess about it, and go on with my life. At least now I have no illusions.
I realy wish that things would work out for you, bear. But how do you build the lost trust. Do you wonder everytime he's out of sight? How do you deal with that?


Reply to KL
Posted by: bear | 2003/03/03

My Goodness I cannot believe my situation is playing out somewhere else ...
That is the same excuse My b\friend of almost 4 years gave me!!!
He doesnt love her, he doesnt want her was a foolish game a distraction (Read my postings)
anyway I left him for about a month (no contact what so ever) and in that time he mysteriously figured out that he cannot live without me ...He left her and proved it too ...Im still not sure if I trust him but I must say he has been trying...Things are going great at the moment not sure for how long ...Guess Im hoping for the best ..I dont know what my story means to you but I hope it carries some sort of encouragement or hope !!! you might not want to be a Volunteer but are you ready to loose the one you love?? over something he is not even sure he want's?

Follow your heart is what I always say
just a thought.....

good luck

Reply to bear

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