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Question
Posted by: BoogyBabe | 2004/10/06

Distance Relationship Advise - Anyone

If you go back to my postings, u'll remeber that i said i am involved in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend is a businessman. My problem is he is foreever travelling. Atleast ssome of his trips i take leave from work and travell with him The problem is everytime i feel alone i always go back to the ex boyfriend because i'll be feeling lonely and vulnerable, i hate it because its cheating on him.

I tried going out a lot with friends for drinks, but i always feel lost and lonely. He calls me evrynite the problem is i need him physically. Anyone who has a deistance relationship please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm no expert on long-distance relationships, and with such tpics which have been raised many times ( see the archives ) I really can't think of anything fresh to say about them.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lu | 2004/10/06

My bf's job takes him overseas every 6 months for 6 months... not very pleasant to be alone half of every year (we've been together now for 5 yrs).

This may sound strange, but to compromise for the physical loneliness, he bought me a few sex toys and we made an arrangement - once every week, on no specific day, when either of us feel like it, we will have phonesex.

Very strange in the beginning, I was VERY glad he wasn't there to see my embarressment, but we soon settled into some sort of a "routine". Now we're really enjoying it, even looking forward to that phone call that starts with "are you feeling what I'm feeling..?" and it definately helps me cope with the stress of a long-distance relationship.

Reply to Lu
Posted by: SameBoat | 2004/10/06

Am in similar position. It's hell, the calls just don't suffice at times. He ended up cheating on me, needless to say I returned the favour when I found out about his deed. It's just a mess, we see each other almost every three months but I tell you, you end up fighting over nothing simply because you miss each other. You just have to stick it through and pray that he does not find out about your cheating while trying to breakfree from the other before it is too late. all the best

Reply to SameBoat
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/06

Hey BB,

Have you thought that maybe you're not really ready to commit to this type of arrangement? I can understand how taxing it can be on you both with being apart, but I'm also certain that when you do get to be together you appreciate each other so much more.
A long distance relationship requires a much more larger dose of trust, honesty & commitment as the first sign of infidelity has the effect of causing major disturbances for you both. These are my thoughts on the subject, as I am also in a long distance relationship.
There must be a lot of understanding as well, or you may find yourself becoming very insecure.
You are still quite young BB, if I remember correctly, do you think you are ready to give this relationship all that it obviously needs?
If so then I would suggest you guys work on ways that allows you to spend more time together. Maybe become a PA/Girl-Friday of sorts so that you could accompany him on almost every trip. Consider a move. Be secure in your relationship. Understand that being apart so often doesn't necessary mean being lonely.
Know that by doing all these things you are in a way saying to each other that this is long-term thing & may even end in marriage. If you do consider changes to your life so that you could be with him, then you should also go into it with open eyes. Meaning that you should be prepared to face the consequences if you guys find out that you're not actually so comfortable together when spending so much time together.
Also. in a distance relationship, it kinda has the tendency to become the norm that you each make extra efforts when you get to be together because it's so rare. These actions or intentions may disappear when you spend more time together. Also because of this, it may become easy to confuse the issue with being in love...
Again I come to the points of trust, honesty, understanding & commitment.
If all these big steps scare you in anyway, then I would suggest that you weigh your options considerably before you make any choices. & I will also say again, you're still fairly young BB, at an age where you should be doing all the things you want to be doing. I'm sure you wouldn't wanna have regrets about things you could've done but didn't because of this relationship...
Please, at all stages, always discuss the issues with your bf as communication plays a very big part in attaining all the other points I refer to.
I'm sorry I had so much to say, but I hope it makes you understand that you will have to give it a lot, to make a distance relationship workable.

At the end of the day it is your choice, & I would like it if you kept me informed as to how you handle this situation.

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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