Posted by: Natasha | 2008/10/07

Disliking my fiance' s new friends

Hi, I have a problem in that I greatly dislike a friend of my fiance' s. He says there is two sides to a story, yet always believe her sop stories and don' t consider the other person' s side. I try to avoid her, and even though some of her true colours has come out, I am still made out to be the one who can never see the good in other people, not trusting other people.

What I find interesting though is that recently two other people, who have met her for the first time, also instantly took a disliking to her, and seeing how inconsiderate towards other people she can be,

I realise that it is unhealthy to dislike someone so much, and that it isn' t worth it. My question is: how can I try to be accepting of their friendship (even though he knows her much shorter than what he knows me) ? Also, how can I discern between intuition or me just being judgemental/prejudice?

I know my relationship with him is worth more than this irritating feeling towards her.

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Our expert says:
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Its often a waste of energy to get too wound up about such a person. Sooner or later she is likely to reveal her true nature to others, even your fiancee. Getting too afitated about her, nasty though she is, wastes your energuy without havin g any real benefits.
STOP fearing that you may be judgemental --- when people do wrong and hurt others, they deserve to get judged negatively. It bothers me greatly that we seem to be constructing within SA society an equivalent to the pathologically incpmpetent policing and justice system --- one in which nobody, however evil or vicious towards others, must ever be judged or held accountable for their decisions and choices, or expected to face any consequences.
The distinction worth making is between intuition, in the sense of just having a FEELING that she may not be a pleasant person, and evidence-based opinion, having seen and heard her do unpleasant things.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Vegan | 2008/10/07

Well said, CS. We need to hold people accountable for their actions. I' m sick of society' s indifference. It' s not OK NOT to have morals and ethics. And it NOT OK to be snotty to people and treat them like crap. My sis-in-law comes to mind, Natasha. I wonder if you' re talking about her, hee hee.

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