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Posted by: HS | 2004/11/10

Disgusting 'friend'

UURRGGHH I have a terrible problem and it's making more and more anxious all the time. We are friends with a really nice couple - they seem nice at first. But the female side of the couple is a total disgusting flirt - it;s not bad to flirt, it's natural, this I do know. However, this 'female' (the words I would actually like to use here are far from appropriate!!!), is about a size 16, after we first met them she died her hair blond (from red), and whenever we visit them, or vice versa, she deliberately dresses like a prostitue - it's so digusting. First it was cleavage, she would shove her fat into a bra and then wear a short cut top. But NOW, she's wearing mini's (I get ill just thinking about it). She hangs around in track suit pants usually, but this disgusting behaviour and dressing has happened only recently. She only speaks to my husband, only offers him something to drink when we visit, she flat out overlooks me. She shows my husband every kind of porn-type joke she received by email, she invites him to go to mavericks because she thinks men need this kind of thing ebvery now and then. On the other hand, my husband thinks I'm over-reacting. He loves their company - as a couple. I told him that she disgusts me in her desperate behaviour, but he says he's not interested and she's just embarassing herself. I do not want anything to do with this so called 'woman', however, my husband really enjoys spending time with her husband. But she is always around, so I cant very tell them to go play pool together in a pub and hang out as guys, because then she would make sure she went with them. NO GO.
How do I deal with this, taking my husband's friendship with this man into account as well?
Or is there something wrong with me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I have the theory that many people dress the body they wish they had ( in their fantasies ) raher than the actual body they do have ! I don't think there's anything wrong with you to object to a woman acting so cheap and flirting quite so desperately with your husband. And he's being insensitive not to take your objections and feelings seriously.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/10

My dear Cindy - how naive could one be?? Asking her if she is comfortable in her clothes won't resolve the problem, now would it?

And don't assume that HS has the same type of character as this other woman. She has confronted her husband over this issue already - duh??

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: me | 2004/11/10

A size 16 is not fat!!!! But that's not the point. She's trying to make you feal jealous. This type of person gets bored very quickly, especially if they don't get the reaction that they want.

Reply to me
Posted by: Cindy | 2004/11/10

Don't go looking for friends with nice husbands cause you'll be someone else's disgusting friend as well. Nothing beats confronting the real problem. Ask her if she feels comfortable in her clothes.

Reply to Cindy
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/10

Would like to know what her husband thinks of this whole issue and if she is doing the same thing with all his friends?

Looks like she is insecure and seeking attention, although not in the correct manner.

I suggest you rather go and visit some of your friends next time your husband wants to go and visit them. Make sure these friends have some good-looking husbands and make a point that your husband knows it. You will then see how much longer he would go and visit his friend without you.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Bull | 2004/11/10

I know she's making you sick but try this.....

Just be unbelievably friendly with her and if she only ask your husband if he wants something to drink, then add oh yes that would be lovely. Don't let that fat lady intimidate you. She's the fat one who's making a ass of herself.

Your husband likes them and there's nothing you can do about it. So, try to change the situation so that you can at least also enjoy your visits.

I understand completely that you don't want your husband to be allown with her because it sounds to me if she will do anything to get in his pants.

Also try to get new friends and if you do get invited to them, try to think of a good excuse without your husband thinking that you don't want to visit them.

Good luck.

Reply to Bull
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/10

Oh, & I forgot to add; Just please be careful that you guys don't "embarrass" her husband in the process as your husband seems to enjoy his friendship.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/10

Hi HS,

I would say take your husband's word for it. He seems to understand that she maybe embarrassing herself so I would say you have nothing to worry about.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you as I think this would be enough to drive just about anyone up the wall.
I otherwise agree with Polly & Chelle.

Take it easy, maybe allow her her moment of attention...

Cheers,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/10

If your husband likes their company, and you don't, why do you even go along with him? There is no rule that states that a couple must like or even socialise with each other's friends.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Polly | 2004/11/10


Sounds to me like shes jealous of you. Shes insecure and you probably make her feel ugly and fat. The reason why she talks to the men is that woman mightmake her feel intimidated. I would rather feel sorry for her that get annoyed. After all its not as if shes this hot blonde with big boobs whos flirting with your hubby. Feel sorry for her..

Reply to Polly

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