Posted by: Dreaming | 2005/12/13

Disconneting oneself...

How does one go about disconnecting from another emotionally? I had to break up with my partner of 2 years because he cannot commit to me within the relationship and does not want the pressure and responsibility to do so. We still live together, as flatmates, and work together. I will always love him, I am not trying to kill my love for him, but I need to redefine my emotional attachment to him in order to adjust to the new circumstances, not to be confused and to stop hurting. How would one adjust mindmaps and associations with emotions and attachments to people? Would this be a workable and logical solution for me within my circumstances?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

One does so best of all with the help of a counsellor. But I don't see how you'll finish a disconnect while still living together

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Our users say:
Posted by: Banana | 2005/12/13

I can't offer much advice, was in much the same situation still am kinda, but I got loads of good advice from people on this site, as hard as it is, you just have to pull back and make a deal with each other for now not to bring anyone else home, until things settle and you move out or whatever the case may be. Its very hard, but you can do it.

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Posted by: Kato | 2005/12/13

Why don't you think of him as a brother? That should make the definition easier. However, I think it's asking for trouble to stay together in a house. How long are you both going to hold out on meeting new people?

Reply to Kato
Posted by: Dreaming | 2005/12/13

I am sure I have not chosen the easiest way to deal with things, but where I am now, and my circumstances, it has to be like this for a while to come. My point is though, how to emotionally disconnect from him, while still being able to care for him and support him as a friend, whilst being able to adjust my associations, is this even possible in cases like these, or am I being a bit enthusiastic?

Reply to Dreaming
Posted by: ASP | 2005/12/13

I think you are both in for a bumpy ride here...

Reply to ASP
Posted by: Dreaming | 2005/12/13

We only broke up last week, and right now we need each other for various responsibilities we have taken on together, and business prospects ect. It is still very new and strange. I do believe we both have enough care for one another at least to not bring back people to the house, if that would happen I am sure it will not work anymore, I doubt either one would do something like that..*touch wood*

Reply to Dreaming
Posted by: Whattodo | 2005/12/13

Wow, I find it amazing that you can still live with him. I think it is because you are still in love with him and perhaps you are holding onto the hope that things will improve and you guys will get back together? If you truly want to move on, as sad as it may sound, you have to make a clean break for a while. God bless

Reply to Whattodo
Posted by: SR | 2005/12/13

So how do you live by one another? What if he brings someone home? What if you bring someone home?

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