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Question
Posted by: Rudy | 2004/10/04

DISABLED BUT IN LOVE

I am (32) on disability due to medication. My fiance (27)went to special school and cant find employment either. No one wants to give us a chance to employ us.. We want to be together all the time and I am devastated when she has to return home to her mother - I dont handle being alone very well. I do casual work now and again but obviously for financial reasons still living with my parents.

Pse where can we knock for help. we want to get married but my parents say we should first find employment so that we can go on our own. We know we aren't going to find work easily.
We are devastated. How can we go on with our life. We are trying so hard.
Wouldn't it be easier just to throw in the towel ?
How can we not be depressed?
We never brought this on ourselves?
God is not answering us at all? He knows whats best but is this what he might be wanting - for us to call it a day? Maybe he needs us rather up there?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Rudy, I understand your problem, and applaud your interest in being as independent and capable as possible. Your mom may well be right about trying hard for each of you to find regular and secure employment, as a basis for being able to afford to be married. Nobody finds it easy to find work, these days ; but the law has changed and continues to change, in the direction of requiring busineses to hire a proportion of handicapped or disabled people. Have you checked with the Dept of Labour about this ? They should be able to advise on these regulations, and otherwise to be helpful. Check with the Dept of Welfare, both to be sure you each get whatever possible grants apply, and whether that dept can help with FINDING jobs for disabled folks, maybe even for training to qualify you for better jobs.
Depending on the nature of your problems, and of hers, check out whether there is any national organization dealing with those conditions, which also might be able to help, with advice and support.
I understand that you've been finding the situation disheartening, but I know that you can manage to handle this and to eventually achieve what you want. Don't give up.
Good advice, too, from DBB. read it carefully.
reading your further messages, you seem to have done rather well if your last major episode was 6 years ago ; and people should be prepared to consider you for any job you're capable of. Maybe soomeone can help you present yourself better at job interviews --- you might be very good in a more computer-oriented job. I wonder whether the National Federation for mental Health can help here ? And schizos do cry, and don't feel ashamed of doing so. We can't all manage to be brave all the time.
What about our other readers ? Wasn't there one or two folks among our regulars who were suppoed to work in relation to finding jobs in IT ? With this guy's history of 6 years of stability ( gosh, let's be fair, that beats the record held by many of our regulars ! ) he ought to be fine for such a job.
As for exchaging CV,s etc., Rudy would need to give an email address --- maybe advise him on getting himself a free one with one of the free e-mail services, so he can make two, one to keep as his confidential own address, and one to use in situations like this, which he can give publically --- then if he can save a CV or similar docs in a text format, he could either paste their content ( cut and paste ) into an email to you, or attach it as a text attachment.
And as for calling Mark, even if his place, which sounds good, isn't what you need right now, he may know of somewhere closer to you, maybe even somewhere where your gf could go, too, so you could be together ?
Good luck, and keep in contact with us here on the forum, and let us know how you're getting on.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rudy | 2004/10/04

Thanks Lady Nina, I will do that.

Reply to Rudy
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/10/04

hi there

his name is Mark and a really wonderful person, they are very people wise and don't like bull shit. his wife is also a great lady 051 4475480 just ask for the office number
sorry but i don't have that one

give this guy a call, he has years of experience and a real empathy for people in your situation

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Rudy | 2004/10/04

Lady Nina, yes, pse send me tel.no. but I still badly would like to work so I can be independent. At moment I have to rely on my folks and it takes the toll on them.

dbb I only borrow my mom's e-mail address when I am at work with her but you are welcome to use it. I just dont know how to go about getting it to you through this cyber and also the cv's as you mentioned?

Thanks you are all wonderful, just a little bit of advise makes me already feel , well for today only i suppose, that I am winning.

Reply to Rudy
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/10/04

friends of mine administer a place in bloemfontein for people like you - the people pay a portion of there pension for accomodation and last time i was there they all looked very happy and content

let me know if you want the tel nr

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/10/04

hi there

i wish there was something i could do for you, every person has a heart and needs to be loved and cared for...
the sad thing is that so many "normal" people sit at work and complain all the time yet you would love to work.

whydon't you send your cv to personel agengies or speak to your social worker.

maybe speak to all th efamily concerned and explain that you guys do care and love each other and it's unfair to expect you to find a job if no one wants to employ you before you can get married, i can understand their concerns as well

i know the government has laws to "force" companies to employ people with disabilities, hopefully this will not just be a other law

take care

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: DBB | 2004/10/04

I take my meds on time ,for the last 6 months i have been on 5 different meds but nothing seems to work . I am trying anythink at the monent my last option is shock treatment which i dont really want to do. last week i lost punched the wall and fractered my wrist then i cut my leg with a carpet cutter(self harm for hurting others and to get rid of the inner pain) enoght about me. Why dont you post your email address so i can contact you ,you can send both CV'S to me i can see what i can do as we have offices in all major cities . i cant probise you anythink at the monent but you never know sometink may come up soon.

Keep well speak to you soon

Reply to DBB
Posted by: Rudy | 2004/10/04

I appreciate your reply. yes, being from a special school or being on medication for whatever reason doesnt mean that you are retarded but that seems what people think.
Yes Lizelle's from special school - just cant work with money or figures but parents did not assist her in finding something to do.
Me - I am on medication for Schizophrenia. I had one episode where I was bizarre as they called it 6 years ago. I reversed my sentences and also would walk backward. Sometimes paranoid in that I thought the whole world would be watching what I was doing when alone at home. Very fearful. But take my meds absolutely regularly, this disables me in that I cant work on machinery as before and work at a "walking" pace on the odd jobs of shopfitting. Youre right, I get very numb. Have some computer experience for ddata capturing etc. but havent the knack to convince people to employ me prmanently. I think they are frightened I might relapse. Havent in 5 years. (Have you heard of a schizo crying because his girlfriend has to go home) . My mother says she didnt think any sschizo could cry.
Coming back to you... what is your meds? sounds if yours is also for some chemical imbalance. Your meds dont seem to be making you feel very much better, but you know that. maybe it should be changed or maybe you are being very naughty and not drinking it regularly? tell me about it, I really feel for you.

Reply to Rudy
Posted by: DBB | 2004/10/04

morning, just a few points from my side i also addented special school but that never stopped me from getting where i wanted to . i am a national operations manager for a large company . yes it is tough, my first job i told the ower i would work for free and show then that i can do the job . it took them two weeks and i hired full time. Maybe you can try that one no harm i trying.
with regard to your disability what medication are you on ?what disoder do you have , should the company you worked for not pay you a disability pension ? i am on medication at the moment and half the time i am on a buzz and a num feeling not copeing to well but i am taking each day as it comes.i have even asked my girlfreid to move out after Seven years togeter as i am fed up of taking all my B.S out on her. i dont know what i am going to do without her as she has always been there for me.i am very scard as i can see my self going off the rail and landing up in a gutting .
i wsh you both luck and i am sufre things will change

Reply to DBB

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